Sunday, July 15, 2012
Ok...where do I start. I'm feeling kinda blah these past few days. I mean, I have started marathon training and I feel good about that, but it's more my personal life that I feel blah about. With that, comes lack of motivation to work out and eat well. So, I need to talk this out and get to the bottom of why I feel the way I do.
Let's start with the fact that it's summer and I am not teaching, but I am still coaching. I am done coaching by 10 each day, so then I have the rest of the day to do whatever I choose. Most days I try to find cleaning and errands to run. THe problem is, when I'm at home cleaning, I find a reason to stop and EAT...yes eat...so I have gained weight this summer rather than lose. =( That makes me sad to start off. But I think the main problem is that I don't have a set schedule that keeps me busy and out of the kitchen. So, this week I'm going to try having a schedule to keep me busy. Hopefully that can help.
Well, next I feel fat...and that is no one's fault but my own. I am up to 157 lbs. WTF! How did I do that?! I have got to get things into swing. I really had plans to be the skinniest I could be this summer and be confident in a swimsuit and not ever feel insecure this summer...well I did the opposite and I feel the most insecure of my life. It sucks. Then it leads to the fact that I feel very unwanted from my husband. He is so fit and toned and weighs less than me. Actually I have a husband that weighs 135 lbs. That is my goal weight. HOW THE HELL DO I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF AROUND HIM?!
We are struggling with communication...the struggle is, I communicate, he gets mad and doesn't want to hear what I have to say. I try to be a great support to him, but when he does things that I don't think are appropriate and he really doesn't see it, he gets mad and tells me I'm not supportive and no one else seems to think he's wrong. Then he doesn't communicate with me to tell me there is a problem. I don't know how to fix this...he just ignores that there is a problem and let's it bubble up.
So there are several things lingering...maybe it all starts with the issues with my hubby, and then branches to more...I dunno. Sometimes I think life would just be easier if I was just 20 lbs skinnier and more confident in myself...but I don't think that answers everything. I just have to keep digging to find the root of all issues...why I'm feeling blah...maybe it's just hormones? LOL. TOM is hanging around and hubby is out of town right now...who knows. I have a plan for my health and fitness routine and plan to stick to it...
Hope you all have had a great weekend and will have a great week.
Member Comments About This Blog Post
I agree with both ROSE and also MOPAYNENOGAIN..they have both given you som good suggestions....
I find DH's just don't understand some things that we struggle with...
A book came to my mind when i read your blog....
"Men are from Mars...Women are from Venus"
I remember my DH starting to read it one holiday thta we were on and there was some stuff in the first few pages that were real new to him and things I knew all along.....
Maybe reading it would help you both....
Just a thought....
Praying for you Honey
1806 days ago
Ok..first off DITTO to everything Rose said!!! :)
Secondly, have you taken the time to ask hubby what he's thinking, how he's feeling, ask him to explain why he feels or if he feels there is a problem? Even ask him to just write it down instead of actually talking since he gets mad. Communication is key in a relationship and it's got to be a give and take thing. It's all in cracking his shell and finding out what makes him comfortable to talk about.
Don't let your weight be a hinderance in any of that though. Unconditional love doesn't make you lose weight...I'm sure he loves you no matter what! Just be confident in your insane ability to run like a mad woman!!! I'm certainly jealous of that ability! :)
1807 days ago
I love how openly you can write here. I often feel the same way, so I hope you don't mind a long response! :P
- A schedule is a great idea. It can be as detailed as hour by hour, or general goals for the week. Put it in your purse or tape it to the wall so you can see it often. What hobbies do you never have time for during the school year? Now you have free time to bike to the library, redecorate the house, learn to do your own taxes, make scrapbooks, take a yoga class, or meet your girlfriends for coffee or a stroll. You seem happiest when you're busy. ;)
- I am totally guilty of mindless grazing when I have nothing to do at home too! How can you beat that? Drinking a glass of water like mentioned above is a great idea. What works for me is not buying junk food and keeping fruits and veggies around. Try to stop and just think before you take out the food. Are you really hungry? Is this the best choice? I realized that often when I go for peanut butter, it's because I haven't eaten much protein that day. A hard boiled egg or roasted chickpeas satiates my hunger and makes me feel better mentally than spoonfuls of the pb.
- Getting in shape is tough. It's completely an uphill battle. Even our society doesn't want you to be in shape (buy more food, and oh yeah, it's mostly crap!) Don't be too hard on yourself- you might not be happy with your weight, but you are running miles and MILES every week. Give yourself a little credit! You're doing awesome. Maybe it isn't about reaching the golden dream weight, but gaining all the healthy habits and knowledge to use throughout life, which will make you look and feel better.
- It sounds like we might have similar communication issues with our husbands... I don't have any advice, but I'm here if you want to talk more. :)
1808 days ago
I hope that your weekend improves.
1808 days ago
I am sorry you are feeling so blah!!!!
I have the same trouble with my dh that he weighs less than me!!! He is an inch or so shorter, but I would still like to weigh less than him!!!!
Keep you chin up and try to talk to him!!!!
1808 days ago
I feel the same way about my boyfriend! He weighs 135 and is 5 foot 6, and I am 5 foot 1 and weigh more than him even on a "skinny" day. It sucks, especially when he makes comments saying that I should focus on losing half a pound a week - the whole time I'm thinking, "I am TRYING, you idiot."
Don't worry! We all go up and down in weight. You're working really hard, and soon the scale will respond with results!
1808 days ago
I hope the weekend looks up for you! Sorry you're through the blahs. That's never fun. I hope and pray things improve and better communication is on its way to you and your husband as well. Know that you can reach your goals and will achieve them. You always have support here to help you through. May your day turn out much better and you find greatness in each day this summer!
1808 days ago
I'm sorry you and your hubby are having communication issues! Every couple goes through that for sure, and I've been there so I get it!! I wish I had some great advice =/ But really how we got back on track when our communication was lacking and my hubby was stuffing everything inside was to have a serious one on one talk and trying to get through to eachother! Maybe you could even write out all your feelings about the situation, take a little break from it, come back and try to re-read though different eyes? Maybe have the hubby do the same and you guys can find middle ground and understand each other?
I'm sorry also that you've been finding yourself turning to food out of boredom.. being a stay at home mom I can REALLY relate to that! Have you tried the trick of when you go to eat drinking a full glass of water and waiting a minute and then seeing if you really want a snack? maybe that would help! =]
Sending you positive, healing vibes my dear! I hope things start to get better for you!
1808 days ago
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