Saturday, July 14, 2012
I spent two weeks controlling what I eat, and lost more weight than I'd hoped for. Then I stopped controlling what I was eating for 2 weeks and gained it back plus some.
What happened? How did I go from completely revved up and confident in my ability to make substantial changes to.....filling a grocery bag with junk?
The answer isn't obvious to me, but I have a decent guess. In the interim, my heartstrings got yanked every which way. Actually, this theory hasn't only made me rethink my weight issues, but also that relationship. I've realized that this particular friendship causes unreasonable disruptions in my emotional well-being. To be fair, at the same time, one of my dearest friends left for Afghanistan which was also rather distressing.
So that's a lot to think about in terms of understanding and ultimately overcoming the things that caused me to grow out of all my clothes.
But at this particular moment, I can't undo what's been done. And I also can't reasonable reach the goals that I'd set for myself, now that I've taken such a step back. For the past week or so, then, I've been avoiding Spark - not wanting to face my failure. This morning, however, I decided to track my weight and measurements and just accept where I am. More importantly, I've decided that I will continue to accept wherever I am and not use it as an excuse to give up.
Wherever I am today is ok. Wherever I find myself tomorrow will be ok.
How, then, do I balance this acceptance with the desire to change? That is, how do I strive for contentment without becoming complacent? I'm not sure, but I think the answer might lay in focusing on what I'm doing - that is on behaviors rather than results. Celebrating my workouts and meal-planning, and let those changes in behavior be my victories.
This would be the perfect time to give up. I mean, hell, I weigh more than when I started trying to loose weight!
But instead, I'm going to cook today and plan some meals for the week so that I don't have to eat out every day.