Friday, July 13, 2012
So, here I am just over one year on Spark people and I have a lot to say I have learned so much about myself and accomplished a lot in this time. I didn't expect to feel like this when I was at this point in my journey.
Accomplishment #1: Lost 106 pounds. With 20 pounds til I hit my goal weight.
Lesson Learned: It doesn't matter. I NEVER thought this was a possible feeling. I remember with WW, I was so focussed on that goal weight and hitting it, it seemed to be the end all be all over my journey. I learned this time around, that it is just what people have been telling me, a NUMBER. It is by no means a measurement in how far I have come and what I have done or where I have left to go. I thought that I would change my goal by now, since really me ending up weighing 160 pounds is still me being overweight, and I should weigh less, but I don't care anymore. I know that when I get there, I will be okay, if I still lose weight, I still lose weight, but it doesn't matter. I will be happy and healthy and physically fit. I am that right now. I have been telling people lately, if I were to find out that I couldn't lose anymore weight right now that would be okay with me, I feel amazing.
Lesson #2 Learned: Weight doesn't define me. I could have been this happy a year ago, but I wasn't because I wasn't doing anything to make myself happy at all. I had no clue what made me happy. If you asked me a year ago who I was or what I was or what I enjoyed doing, I couldn't have answered you wtih more than the mother to my kids and wife to my husband. I am emerging into a whole 'new' person, though that isn't really true either. I have always been this person. I am seeing now that my life is something to be goal driven with wants and desires. I want to find new things to do, I want to have goals. My attitude towards myself and others is what defines me and how I live each day is what makes me who I am. Each choice I make will help me develope as a person towards what I am trying to achieve. Today if you asked me what I am, I have a lot of answers. Now, I am seing who I am. I am person who enjoys taking the time to treat myself right, which in turn makes me be able to treat others even better. I am a mom and wife who is trying to lead the way to a healthier lifestyle for her family, but still making sure that I have my own time to come first. I am a friend who loves that my friends are being inspired by me in small and big ways. I am someone who loves to help people and feels like I am able to talk about experiences I am having because I am no longer living my life sitting as a watcher, I am doing. I am a daughter who is learning to forgive my parents for their faults and get passed them and learn that they have their own choices to make and lives to live and living in the past isn't going to help me in anyway. It is over.
Accomplishment #2: Finishing a 5K. I have done this many times now since I started running. I am just going to commit to that term, I am a runner. I am not the fastest and furthest runner, but gosh darn it I am one. I truely love it and look forward to my running days. It is funny how I used to wake up dreading whatever exercise I had planned for the day. I would have woken up thinking, UGH today I have to run.....I wake up thinking Ugh today is NOT a running day, and it makes me wish it was a running day.
Lesson Learned: I can do anything. I never, ever imagined that I would be able to finish that 5k running, ever. I thought that I was doing that in the fall. I had dreamed of it and thought about it, but didn't put it in my realistic thoughts, but it should have been. I am never going to say I can't do something again. I am going to try new things and different things and continue to challenge myself. If is sounds like something I am going to enjoy, I am going to TRY. I may or may not like it, for whatever reasons, but I will try it. I learned if my mind has put a block or cap on my abilities, I can't grow past them. No more.
Accomplishment #3: I am overcoming my emotional eating. This is something that just hit me. The past few months when I have been stressed, I haven't turned to food. Not only have I not turned to the food, I haven't even thought about the food. I wish I had all the answers to this one, but I don't. I don't know what clicked in me to make me switch the switch. But it has happened. Is this forever, I don't know and I am not saying yes or no. I need to be aware of it, but I KNOW there is a change in my issues with food in this aspect and I am just going to go with it.
Lesson Learned: You don't need to be married to a term. I am a emotional overeater. Maybe in the past this is what hurt me was giving myself the label? I thought it was my excuse. I didn't get when people would tell me to go do other things because I would try, but still be focussed thought wise on the food. Now I seem to think a lot clearer about this. It is funny since when I do think about my stress, my first thought is to exercise. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I just sit there and do jumping jacks or squats or chase Samuel around the house. I never thought my life would come to those thoughts as well.
These lessons I have learned are key to me right now. I think the this is how I KNOW I am going to continue to succeed in my life and I don't mean with the weight loss that I still have to do. I mean with life. Life is not about losing weight, it is about living it and maybe losing the weight is one way to start that, that is fine, but along the way I have learned so much about myself that I never dreamed of. I never knew my life would be so clear and focussed. I can't ever begin to tell people how happy I am, but as soon as they ask and I answer with yes, it doesn't seem enough, but once I start talking about things in my life, I am sure that they can sense it. It is impossible not to.
When I run my favorite song to listen to is "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera, it is my song, it defines me to a T. Without my old heavier self I couldn't have become the person I am today and will become for the rest of my life. I needed to be that person to be this person.
"You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through.
So I want to say thank you
Cause it makes me that much stronger,
Makes me work a little bit harder,
It makes me that much wiser,
So thanks for making me a fighter.
Made me learn a little bit faster,
Made my skin a little bit thicker,
Makes me that much smarter,
So thanks for making me a fighter."
Fighter by Christina Aguilera