Friday, July 13, 2012
I should write a short update, since I haven't blogged since May and my last blog was full of my own self-doubt and depression.
I made it through the past couple of months, alternately skating through with out trying and giving 110% (which is quite normal for me). I spent the majority of the time severely depressed and having faith issues and terrifying panic attacks resulting from those faith issues and it was mostly a continuance of the "big, hot soupy mess" I described in my last blog.
But things are actually suddenly (and almost inexplicably) starting to look up again. I'm not really sure what triggered it, but I actually feel hopeful again that things are going to be all right. THIS is more like the me that I remember...I'm an eternal optimist, so when I'm depressed, it goes against my very nature and makes it even harder for me to understand and deal with.
I managed not to drop any of the balls I was juggling. And Annie, if you're reading this, I meant to reply long ago and say that cartoon from hyperboleandahalf describes EXACTLY how I act. I love that blog. I wish Allie would update it. :(
So. At the risk of making this a super-duper long-ish blog, I'd like to end on an upbeat note!
My best friend and I started P90X this week. I've totally attempted it before, but not really *with* someone in a situation where I had to be accountable. We are on Day 4 so far. We do the videos at our respective houses and then call each other to complain/exult about that day's workout. It's pretty awesome thus far. I'm hoping that we continue...
...because my 10 year class reunion is in three months, the exact end date of P90X if we keep going. And I weigh 20 pounds more than I did last year this time...granted, I'm relatively the same size, which means I've lost fat and put on muscle, but it still feels like I've gone backwards. My point is that last year this time, I was determined to lose weight to go to the reunion and I sucked pretty hard at doing it, lol.
I'm not particularly worried about weight and whatnot right now, don't get me wrong. I'm just trying to illustrate that I'm a leetle behind schedule and can't really super afford to not stick to P90X and see where it takes me. I'm hoping to just look and feel at least a smidge better by then, and I'll call it success.
So there's my positive end note. I'm happy, happily doing P90X and happily staying sane most days. Progress! Whoot!