Friday, July 13, 2012
SO my session with the personal trainer was wonderful. Although it was only a free 30 min session she gave me a lot of great exercises to do at home! First I am using too heavy weights! I thought I was a beast, but when I lift (since I dont have someone to tell me im doing it wrong) I am doing it too fast. So my new motto: Faster is not better! I came away with a bunch of new body weight exercise to help strengthen my core since the ones I was doing were not working. Also, I need 2 rest days a week (thank god, i was dying of exhaustion waking so early to do the 1.5 hr workouts and not feeling like I was getting anywhere) and my routine shouldnt really take me longer than 30 min (1 hour max with cardio). I tols her my specific goals body wise were to show the definition in the muscle I built by losing the last 10-15 lbs, so her advice is based on that. Her tips will help me maintain the muscle while dropping the fat :). I am super excited.
Also, we talked about food. And big surprise, she is a Food addict also. We really talked about abstinence and recovery which I think is key for me. I know everyone who says "eventually you will be able to eat in moderation" means well but if i am really honest with myself I know I will always struggle. The big part for myself, being honest. I keep trying to talk myself into believing I can be normal with food, I will be able to have just one bite, one day I can just have a little. Nope, honestly I cannot. food is my drug. Most people surronding me will never comprehend the mental torture I put myself through with regards to food. I talk myself into/out of eating constantly, then deal with mental guilt, then binge, then physical torture. I just need serenity and acceptance inside myself. I am not normal, and thats ok!