161. That’s the number my scale gave me this morning. 161 lbs. I haven’t seen that number in over two years.

In spring 2010, I reached 143 lbs. My original goal from spring 2009 was to reach 150 from a starting weight of 182. Since 2010, between stress and unanticipated health problems (ending an engagement but staying with my ex another year, ending that relationship in June 2011, starting a new job and moving, suffering chronic tension headaches for six months and unable to ST or run…), my weight creeped up to around 155 lbs by the beginning of this year. Since then, while I lost a few lbs every now and then, I’ve gained to the point that I now see 161 lbs on the scale.

161 lbs.

18 lbs up from the best shape of my life.

I never meant to see that weight again.


…What happened?

I met an amazing guy. We started spending A LOT of time together – we’re apart maybe 1-2 nights a week. I’m still exercising quite a bit, but my eating? WOAH. We’re out for dinner 2-3 times a week. Because I’m not home making dinner, I don’t have a lunch to bring in the next morning, and I’m therefore buying lunch.

This job involves a lot of travel. Far more than the “limited” that was described in the profile. I’m traveling in 3-5 day blocks every four weeks or so…often with a set menu that isn’t healthy, and no access to (or time to access) fitness facilities.

This job is more time intensive than the last, and I’m pretty wiped when I get home. Poor excuse, and I’m generally not letting it get in the way of my exercise, but it does mean that I don’t have the motivation I used to for cooking a nice healthy dinner….or sometimes even buying groceries. I tried to restart meal planning, but when I randomly end up meeting the man for dinner one night, I’m thrown off my plan, and I lose motivation to stick to it.

I’m not working out on weekends anymore. I can spend an entire weekend just enjoying life with the man, and I don’t want to leave him to go to the gym. I’d rather curl up on the couch and watch another episode of The Wire with him…and then, of course, pick up dinner.

I’m playing softball again. Great for socializing, and I’m playing my best season yet, but we go out after every game for drinks and “team food” – nachos, fries, sweet potato fries….all that fried goodness that shouldn’t be enjoyed every. single. week. I have not managed to lose weight any summer I play softball. Normally I see a gain during this time, especially since softball replaces zumba (and this year boxing, too, since I was doubling up on Mondays), which is a more intense workout for me (and doesn’t get followed with pub food and long island iced teas!).

I’ve slipped up and started drinking a LOT of soda. Diet soda, but a bad habit, still. I’ve also had an appetite increase, and while I’m still practicing some good habits, like drinking 8-16 glasses of water each day and having a smoothie for breakfast some mornings, and I’ve added habits like eating healthy snacks…instead of letting those habits replace bad habits, I’m adding bad habits to them. So where before I’d have a smoothie for breakfast, plus lunch and dinner, now I’m often having a smoothie plus a bagel (sometimes), a morning snack of fruit, the same sized lunch (or bigger) as always, a snack in the afternoon, and the same sized dinner as always, plus a post-workout snack.



Facepalm.

No wonder I’ve gained weight.

I can beat myself up and self-soothe with food, or I can fix it.


…I choose option B.

This weekend I’m on my own during the day. The man’s got a major paper due on Tuesday that he’s got to work on. I’m going to use that time wisely.

I’m going to get a workout in both days. Both will involve strength training and cardio.

I’m going to meal plan for next week. Lunches like big spinach salads that don’t require leftovers. Dinners with fresh veggies that I’ll buy at the farmer’s market on Saturday, and meat. I haven’t cooked meat in forever…WTF?

I’m going to buy lots of lemons and cucumber, and throw those in my water every single day. I’m going to stop buying soda.

I’m going to take before pictures….something I didn’t think I’d need to do again.

I’m recommitting.

Goal #1: reach 150 lbs by September 30.
With Italy at the end of August, that means I can slip up on holidays and still recover by goal time.

Goal #2: reach 145 lbs by December 31.
I’m good with 145. 140 was hard to maintain, not going to lie…and I still want to be able to enjoy myself on occasion (occasion being the KEY WORD, Mags.).

Enough promising myself I’ll change my habits when there’s no temptation around, and then forgetting my promises as soon as temptation shows up.

Enough buying lunches (and breakfasts) because I haven’t done groceries or got leftovers.

Enough convenience foods.

Enough excuses.

Time for action.