Wednesday, July 11, 2012
OK, so the tummy's doing better, but since this journey is about more than weight, I am forcing myself to fully recover before hitting the gym and running my heart out every day.
Now, to me, this feels like I'm letting myself be lazy, but I do have a history of pushing myself way too far, running on a bad injury, surviving for weeks on gallons of coffee and almost no sleep. You needed someone who could see a book into printing on a schedule so tight she's work until dawn, seven days a week, for two weeks, go home, shower and be back in the office? That was me. The crazy person who signed a letter promising not to work and to give her master's degree full time attention for a meager scholarship, and then kept two book projects and three plays going, while still having the best grades in the class? Yup, guilty. Turns out the professors knew by the circles under my eyes, but kept quiet because of my grades. The athlete who breaks a ligament in her ankle and has it tightly wrapped so she can run the final? Yup (and it killed my career in track). The actress who got tangled in a staged fight scene that ended on the floor, and distinctly heard a bone crack, but still continued until curtain? Yeah (in my defense, either broken bones almost don't hurt, the adrenaline rush covered it, or I have a serious problem with my pain tolerance levels).
But that's it. So you know what, I had some stomach bug, I was nauseous for days, eating very little, and I took it easy. No gym. Strength training at home. Pilates and Barre videos. And it's OK, because as much as that little "you can do anything" perfectionist voice in my head is going on about having dropped the ball, it's that little voice that gets me in trouble. It's that voice that lands me in the hospital, or that causes the most brutal crashes after I've burnt myself out completely. And that, ultimately, leads to dropping the ball. Months in a cast making recovery slow and painful... A week feeling spent, dragging myself out of bed to do the bare minimum at the office.
So I'm calling this a victory. I finally feel well enough to go to the gym, after two full days of no stomach issues, even while I exercise, and being able to eat normally, though moderately (I'm making up for the calories not burnt by staying on the lower end of my calorie range). I might be a bit off my 5k time this week, but that's ok, and I'm learning to let it be ok.