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    LDRICHEL   50,019
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Not Where I'd Like To Be...But Not Where I Used To Be


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Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Well, I'm going to do it...I'm taking the plunge and posting a cheesy before/after picture.



Frankly, I don't see a TON of difference when I look at pics, but I can tell you right now that the person in the pic on the right is not the same woman as the one on the left.

Been considering all morning this idea of, "I'm not where I'd like to be, but I'm also not where I used to be." It's definitely true. But something else occurred to me that actually has me quite shaken up and I feel I'm on the verge of a rather significant perspective change.

The only photos I was able to find of me in my unhealthier days were ones with friends and family...and, in all of them, I appeared to be so happy. No...strike that...I WAS so happy. As I looked through photo after photo (not many of them full body shots), I was reminded of every single memory with every person in every photo. These photos are going back up to 6 years and span to just yesterday at lunch. And, since everyone loves pictures, I thought I'd give you a sampling (oldest to newest).

Warning: Some of these photos are *gasp* fat photos. But...I'm not so embarrassed anymore. I'll explain in a minute.















So, what's the big revelation? It's this: I have been so blessed, in that I have ALWAYS been loved by so many. These people have not based their affection on my weight, my health, my exercise routine or how much I inspire them. They just loved me for ME. They always have and they always will. Even when I have not loved myself.

I recently went through some hardcore counseling (I guess this is a tell-all today! haha) and discovered that my deepest heart issue throughout my entire life has always been a desire to feel loved by others. I always search for that love in the wrong places and I always feel like I don't have enough.

But today, looking through so many old photos, I realize that it's always been there. My self-hatred was blinding me to that. I feel like I've been awakened from a hazy dream...and can see what I didn't see before.

I truly believe my changing health has been a catalyst to a clearer mind and a more honest heart. Awhile back, I wondered if focusing so much on getting healthy might be narcissistic. But now I see that it's not that...it's a focus on yourself and who you truly are...so that you can slowly learn to love yourself. And, once you begin to do that...you can look back and see clearly that you have always been loved...but you pushed it away or simply didn't believe that it could be possible.

Well...at least that's how it's been for me. All in all, I'm feeling deeply grateful and blessed today. I don't know how I have been privileged to know such amazing and wonderful people in my life, but I will take them!!!! And you, SparkFriends, are a part of that now.

Thanks for the love. You know I can't get enough. emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CHUM48 10/11/2012 1:45PM

    Isn't it liberating when you discover the real you!

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TEEBEE44 10/8/2012 6:48PM

    Love it! Having wonderful people in your life is such an amazing blessing! I am grateful for it every single day. You have presented it so well in this blog! Thank you!

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SPSPSP1 8/29/2012 2:25AM

    Glad that you recognize that you are so blessed and aren't taking it for granted!

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SPSPSP1 8/29/2012 2:13AM

    Glad that you recognize that you are so blessed and aren't taking it for granted!

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NANCYSINATRA 7/26/2012 12:51PM

    Love it. Keep up the great work. One day at a time, one pound at a time.

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SCOTMAMA 7/18/2012 3:02PM

    Great blog! Makes you think about a lot of things that some of us just take for granted.

Good job on the pix!

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GROWNINOP 7/18/2012 10:26AM

  I loved this blog. I have hidden from the camera for years. We have family vacation pictures that you would look at and never even know that I was on the trip, too. You have reminded me that I need to appreciate what I have now while I am working toward what I want to be.

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ISABELLE31 7/17/2012 5:23PM

    This is a great post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. :)

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KARENSU2 7/16/2012 4:54PM

  Thank you for sharing this. You radiant smile in all these pictures says so much. And . . . you look great! Keep up the good work!

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CHERWINGATE 7/16/2012 4:44PM

  Your story really touched me today and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing.



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LYNETTEMOM 7/15/2012 10:05PM

    wow, this is profound food for thought.

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THEATH1 7/15/2012 2:37PM

    Success begats success!

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EFFRAYECHILDE 7/15/2012 1:23PM

    emoticon

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VARUNKLE 7/14/2012 9:19PM

  Great blog and I find it awesome when we think about the real people we are. You are loved. Keep going.

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SPARKANGEL413 7/14/2012 6:51PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

There should be a "You're beautiful no matter what your size" emoticon but anyway, that's my message for you! Keep doing it! You're almost there. emoticon

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DETERMINEDLOSER 7/14/2012 6:06PM

    Thanks for sharing. This is a very eye opening blog for me. emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/14/2012 6:07:19 PM

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TEACHEROF4TH 7/14/2012 4:33PM

    You are beautifully loved!

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THETROUT 7/14/2012 3:19PM

    Thanks for sharing.

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KENZYE 7/14/2012 12:07PM

    emoticon

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KWWILSON 7/14/2012 11:18AM

    emoticon

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HANAHSCLOUDY 7/14/2012 6:42AM

    Awesome!!


emoticon

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LITTLEROX20 7/14/2012 1:37AM

    emoticon

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SAVINGHANNAH 7/13/2012 6:58PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBK0923 7/13/2012 2:20PM

    great blog

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STINASTEW 7/13/2012 2:00PM

    That's fantastic! There are so many ppl out there with no one to support them & we're lucky to have ppl who make our lives so much better! :) You look great, btw!! :)

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GLITTERWINGS84 7/13/2012 12:35PM

    I think friendship is one of the most important things to have in life. emoticon

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JENNIFERSTAM 7/13/2012 11:03AM

  Thanks for sharing!

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TRIPLETSMOM2011 7/13/2012 10:37AM

  Hey! Is that first pic at McEachern High School? That's where I graduated from and the building in the background looks like Russell Hall. Thanks for sharing your journey to motivate others.

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JENNAAW 7/13/2012 7:04AM

    You are a lovely person; such a wonderful smile even in your "fat"pictures. I am motivated to search through loads of digital files to find a photo taken of me at my highest weight in the 180s, which was a LOT for a 5 footer. Those were the days when I could not get myself out of a bathtub.

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LEANMEAN2 7/13/2012 6:46AM

    Thanks for sharing

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ROSINVN 7/13/2012 1:59AM

    Thank you for sharing this, it was a great inspiration to me. We are all on a journey and some of what we need to shed is in our head. The change of perspective is truly inspirational. so thank you

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ANNE007 7/13/2012 12:05AM

    This is a really good post with a great message. Thank you so much! You are awesome and I did love the pictures...you definitely were happy in all of them! It's easy to see you are loved. I am so glad you feel that way, too!

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SMARGED 7/12/2012 11:55PM

    Great blog! Wonderful insights! emoticon

You do look happy and loved in those pictures! Thanks for sharing!

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STEPH-KNEE 7/12/2012 11:16PM

    You look SO great! :D

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DJSONDY1990 7/12/2012 11:13PM

  I read this and thought it was me saying it. I am extremely impressed with your insightful thoughts and positive attitude. Over and over again I get down about my weight but when I talk to other people they don't even see that as an issue for me. So many people have commented about who I am as a person, friend, family member never concentrating on my weight (as much as I do). Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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PMFISH 7/12/2012 11:12PM

    No there is not a ton of difference! Why, because you would have had to be a ton + and you never were. Maybe not at the healthy weight that you are so diligently working toward now. I think a large part is just growing up, having more of life's experiences and understand you can look at that glass have full or half empty. I know everyone here is proud of you, not only for the progress you have made, but for sharing and giving inspiration to so many when they need it.

Thanks for sharing!! emoticon emoticon

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LUCINDARW 7/12/2012 11:12PM

    You've done a great job with weight loss and emotional perception. Keep up the great work! Lucinda

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KALI1007 7/12/2012 10:54PM

    emoticon emoticon
Your getting there...one day at a time and with your goals in front. And yes I agree people who still love you at your worst and your best..well..there is nothing better then to have those true people in your life :) Congrats on how far you have come and absorbing all the love finally

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HIGHNOON 7/12/2012 10:29PM

  This post is wonderful, absolutely beautiful. emoticon emoticon emoticon


emoticon

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GERIOMOM 7/12/2012 8:52PM

  This is a great post. You are a true inspiration to me.

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LILSPARKIE85 7/12/2012 7:40PM

    emoticon

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ALIBEEBU 7/12/2012 7:30PM

  Wonderful :)

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BETHSWORLD 7/12/2012 6:53PM

    Thank you for sharing..very cool!

You are emoticon

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SIBLEYHONEYBEE 7/12/2012 6:37PM

    I loved your before and after photos. You not only look thinner, but you look more confident and content. Congratulations! And your self-revelation about receiving so much unconditional love from people throughout your life was truly beautiful. I have a few people like that in my life too and today your blog made me think of them and smile. Thank you!

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NICLIZD 7/12/2012 6:01PM

    You look amazing & have SUCH a beautiful smile! I hope to get to post one of those cheesy before/after photos soon :) :)

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MUSOLF6 7/12/2012 5:41PM

    You look great emoticon emoticon

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KALLIE1958AR 7/12/2012 5:12PM

    emoticon

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WEEZERGIRL 7/12/2012 4:57PM

    You are an inspiration! Your attitude is to be commended. emoticon

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GEMINIGEM6 7/12/2012 4:47PM

    Beautiful blog. :)

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