Monday, July 09, 2012
As I put my 7-month old down for his nap, I came in and saw a folder of pics from when he was first born. I started looking at him and I am amazed at how fast he's grown and how big he's gotten.
If I could have done the whole pregnancy over again, I would have watched more what I was eating, I would have done more exercise and I would have started both soon after he was born.
I sit with my body as it is post-pregnancy and I'm not super happy with it. But I am trying to change it. I tell myself that my body was the vessel that carried Austin into existence, and though it may take time, I can get it back to where it needs to be. A mother's sacrifice is a good one.
I kind of had a low spot yesterday because I uploaded all my exercise from my Polar heart rate monitor into the computer and was comparing it to the weight loss I've seen using SP. Now, I got my HRM 12/2008, and I've been on SP since like...2005 ish? Well, I started looking and comparing my activity and weight loss, and I realized that all I've ever been able to lose is maybe 1lb a week. I know this is normal and "good" and everything, but I was 30lbs away from being healthy before Austin, and then I gained 56lbs. I lost 25 within the first 3 months and then just stayed there. Since then I've lost 5. So I made the connection, that my rapid loss of the baby weight was over, and that it will literally take me a year of dedication to lose the 50 pounds I need to lose. And the irony in that, is that if we are to have Baby #2, we would try to conceive in about a year. So yeah. *Deep breath, turn it back positive again*
It's all about the journey and not the destination. If I suddenly woke up skinny, I wouldn't know how to manage/maintain it. So every calorie I burn, meal I track and even doughnut that sneaks into my mouth is all part of becoming healthy, and living life.