Sunday, July 08, 2012
It is hard to believe it has been 9 months since I did my first half marathon let alone that I have 6 under my belt and working on getting 3 more in before my 1 year mark. If budget and time allowed I could easily manage to have an even dozen or more in 1 year. I have learned that I am capable of more than I ever knew. I found that the hours and the miles are a healthier way to deal with the loss of Halleigh but it does not make it go away. I have learned that I appreciate my husband and children for allowing me to follow this path ... not to mention ringing cow bells along the way, which are music to my feet. I have learned that while there are many shoes like the ones you love - there is only one pair that really works - and that I am willing to hunt them down and plan ahead to ensure I have that brand and model. I have learned that it does not matter what other people think when I am buying fitness items or lining up at the race (I am not a little runner) - because I can do this and have done it several times over. The scale is not the only thing that matters. The scale is slowly going down but inches are being lost, my confidence is growing and the depression is in check most days....and those are measures of success that a size 2 body does not prove and others will never see and are things that are huge victories for me. I have learned that most often my own worst enemy is my own mind and doubts. I am learning to tell the left side of my brain that wants to rationalize why I can't do it or not good enough to hush. I still have my problems with that part of it - but working on it every day....and some day I will fully believe it without needing the cheering section of family and friends. I have found that the "experts" don't know everything and I know a few things about me better than others. I have found that I can be of a benefit to others while working on healing my own heart (I am running on behalf of and fund raising for the leukemia and lympoma society via http://pages.teamintraining.or
I have learned that much like the words of Magi Lune from Fern Gully "Remember - all the magic of creation exists within a single tiny seed. Look for the hero inside yourself... Look to the good and loving heart in you and all others. For just as every seed holds the power and magic of creation, so too do you...and every other creature in this world." I have the seed of greatness and the seed of creating a today that is peaceful and healthy. I just have to make it grow.
I will Magi....for me, for Halleigh, for Dan and the kids, for others around me. I will help it grow. I will help me grow.