Sunday, July 08, 2012
I am struggling with how to get back on track, motivated and feeling positive about myself again. Since March my allergies have been on overload and my asthma has been a little worse than normal (aggravated by the allergies). A normal year means that I am fighting lilacs and other flowering plans during May / early June. This year we all know has not been normal and I started having symptoms in March. I spent last Saturday in the emergency room because I couldn't breathe and after a breathing treatment, 6 day dose of prednisone, and a follow up on Thursday with my doctor, I feel a little better. My doctor gave me a second allergy shot to help the regular meds I use. He also refuses to release me to exercise or do anything more strenuous than walking around the house until I can breathe normally. With all the drugs in my system I feel lethargic and not very motivated to do anything. Bottom line, I have gained back 8 pounds since last summer and the positive outlook I had is gone.
This year we have also been forced to recognized that our parents are getting older. Health problems on both sides have forced my husband and I to question when to step in and when to be supportive and encouraging. The problems won't go away and as my dad said, I'm not getting older, I am old. It breaks my heart to hear my mom tell me that she can't clean the house or to sit up and do a puzzle for very long. Last night when I talked with her she was lying on the couch with oxygen because her back hurt too bad to sit up and she was short of breath from eating dinner. Mom has spinal stenosis and pulmonary fibrosis - both incurable and debilitating. Dad has had a heart murmur and was recently diagnosed with atrial fibrillation. He's been in and out of the hospital with pneumonia and other complications since Christmas. In May the doctors put a new valve in and that seems to be helping but he is also showing early signs of dementia. The in laws have similar problems and at least one parent on each side is fighting to stay in their own home and not move to assisted living.
Given that my husband is an only child and my parents are 13 hours away, we are pulling our hair out. At the same time, our sons are entering their Junior and Senior years of high school and we want to enjoy these moments with them. I am definitely feeling like we are the sandwich generation!
This morning as I stood in the shower feeling like a fat cow again I decided I was getting back to the basics. Getting back to how I originally lost over 58 pounds - writing down what I eat, planning meals and keeping up with this community. With all the craziness of parents, kids and life, I think this will be my sanity check. While my aerobic activity level is down, I will focus on foods that provide clean energy for what I can do - weight lifting and strength training.
I know this will be a long, continuous battle but I want to find that healthy unstoppable energy I had last year again. As I get back to that place I hope that my journey will help other women who are in similar circumstances. I am a nurturer and encourager - not so different from many of the women I know - and I want to give encouragement to other women who may feel like family and life is derailing their efforts to be successful. I am going to focus on what I love most providing a loving supportive home for my family while being healthy.