Sunday, July 08, 2012
I am coming off an extremely difficult year and a half, yet my weight has remained the one thing completely controlled. I have rules in my life for many things: I don't do debt, which relieves me of a huge amount of stress that others bear. I don't go to bed with a dirty kitchen. I don't leave the house with the bed unmade. I pay bills when I get them. I put my clothing away or in the laundry as soon as I take them off. I clean up the bathroom when I am done. These are rules I made for myself, they didn't come from my parents, or at least the house care ones didn't. In an unpredictable world, it gives my life structure and at least a minor form of predictability: I never have to wake up to a messy kitchen and I always know where my clothes are.
And I don't eat between meals. I know that many people incorporate snacks into their days, but I know myself well enough to know that my mind will twist that permission to snack into something I can't control, so I don't do it. It took awhile to figure out that snacks were something I couldn't control. God knows I tried. It was best to just give them up, and eat meals appropriately. As soon as I finish dinner, I brush and floss, then clean the kitchen and take out the trash.
It's a crazy world out there, but with my own rules for my own life, I have managed to find a way to manage my weight reliably, and therefore comfortably. Rules have gotten a bad reputation, and I am not fond of rules imposed by others (most speed limits are WAY too low!), but my own rules were made by me to improve my own life. I can't go to jail for breaking them, but I would pay with loss of peace of mind. I have already paid that price, and I don't care to pay it again.