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Do I Love Myself Enough???

Saturday, July 07, 2012

Sometimes, I wonder if I love myself enough to finally lose this weight. You see, I am obese, I have diabetes and high blodd pressure. I take about 6 pills a day and still I have not taken my weight loss journey serious enough to do what I know I need to do to lose this weight. Right now at this very moment I am crying because it seems like this is the first time I am admitting to myself that I have not loved myself enough to finally take care of me. It is like a revelation. I have been overweight for so long, it seems that it is all that I know. Is it that I am so comfortable where I am right now? I don't think so. As a matter of fact, I am so unhappy with myself. I talk about never giving up, however, how about let's get started. It's like you can't give up what you are not even doing.

I sit up in my Weight Watchers meeting every Saturday and I never raise my hand to celeberate anything because I have nothing to celebrate. As a amatter of fact, I actually gained 4 lbs. this week. Truthfully, I am a hypocrite.

There is so much more I need to share, but I am truly overwhelmed right now and I simply can't.

I guess the good thing is that I at least wrote this.

All the best to each of you.

Louise
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KCWIND 7/7/2012 7:16PM

  We have all walked in your shoes. I had high blood pressure. Severe eczema and needed an inhaler for my asthma on a daily basis. Yet it wasn't until a year ago after my precious daughter was diagnosed with Cancer two weeks after the birth of her baby that I woke up and changed my life. She struggled to survive. I took my health for granted. My daughter is in remission. I am 42 pounds lighter and my health is restored. You Can do it. I know you can. Don't be discouraged. You are working towards your goal. Stay strong.

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DEBBY4576 7/7/2012 6:31PM

    I noticed that you are still going to Weight Watcher's. That says something more about you than you are aware of. You haven't given up, you are a fighter. You have to quit beating yourself up and do something nice for yourself. Love yourself a little too. THEN....realize you are strong and you can get started again. Dang I hate skinny people, they just don't understand the self loathing that goes with our eating disease.

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IMOJANE 7/7/2012 6:20PM

    Your last point rings the truest. It's not only a good thing, it's the best thing to do, to write about this exact feeling. Sometimes you see people online who are doing so well and you just feel like a failure.

I'm the most disappointed with myself at the moment, probably the most un motivated I've been and yet I want to do something about my body and treat myself better. I talk about it, but where are the real, long-term changes? It's so easy to beat yourself up though, I could sit here doing it for hours. But then I realise. I've come a long way since I'm even asking these questions...! When I was struggling with my weight at school and even last month when I was away for a month and gorging myself with pizza and anything I felt like, I wasn't even thinking twice.

With questioning comes struggle and later, greater understanding and reward. You need to think potentially what are the main things YOU want, not what everyone else from Weight Watchers want. What is it that you really want to change or improve on? Focus on goals for the week, not the overall goal to lose weight. I have set myself a yoga challenge this week and I'm striving to keep the promise I have made myself: to respect myself more and to really think. Your goals might be entirely different, figure those out first, that does always help. And even if you've been doing this for ages, reassessing is always so vital and makes you face everything anew.

You will succeed, these questions and thoughts are essential for progress. Thank you for writing this blog and reminding me that i'm not alone when I feel this and we should all support each other to learn from it.

Take care :)

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