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Loss and... Loss

Saturday, July 07, 2012

This past week has been very challenging for me on my new fitness journey. I've done well, but I don't really feel well.

The whole last week was SO hot, even here is Nova Scotia, that working out became a challenge not just because I have a hard time getting off my butt or because the workouts were physically challenging, but because moving took so much more out of me. I generally HATE the heat, prefer autumn to summer and never hang out in the sun. Each dumbbell curl felt like 3 and my normal walks with the family became practically like torture. Still, aside from one or two modifications to my floor workout and one shortened walk, I did each day as planned.

During this past couple of weeks our dear, sweet cat, Forrest, who has been with us for a very long time, was rapidly spinning towards the end of his life. A bought of kidney illness led to the general failure of all his bodily systems. He had gone from healthy, loving, energetic and fit to lethargic, nauseous, sad and disconnected in no time.

On July 4th, Independence Day to this American Ex-pat, Forrest passed away into peace and freedom. My husband and I had been unable to prepare ourselves for this loss. Forrest has been a part of our relationship since the very beginning, ever since my love moved form Canada to Massachusetts to live with me and brought his sweet kitty with him. We simply could not imagine our family life without him. And, we still can't.

Such a painful thing really tested my resolve and sent me into a desperate "fill that void" food craving mode. I wanted cake and soda and big bags of chips and I wanted them NOW! We did have homemade fries and burgers made of local beef planned for that day but once the kitty passed away, we buried him lovingly and we just felt that we had to get out of the house, get away for a while.

My conscious decision was to celebrate Forrest's life with a trip to the local Japanese restaurant. We followed it up with a stop at local farmstand for ice cream in fresh made waffle cones. It was a sad and happy day, Forrest has gone to kitty heaven and we are grateful for the time and love and laughter that he gave us.

Because of our foodie celebration, I was WAY over my daily calories. But, it was the first time in 21 days that I'd been over and I knew I was going over consciously. Next day I was right back on track.

The loss of our kitty friend is, however still very raw and very close. I am fighting comfort craving a whole lot these days. I persevere as best I can.

One positive note to make is that in the past week, despite great challenges, I have shed another 1.5 pounds! I know that Forrest would want his Mama to be healthy and to keep her body fit as best she can for the rest of our family. So, for that, I am proud.
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