Saturday, July 07, 2012
I'm so freakin frustrated!!! I GAINED 6lbs this week! 6 freakin pounds!! Actually over 6 pounds!!! I just don't know what to do anymore!
I realize that I am struggling and may be far from on target, but this is ridiculous! At the beginning of May I was at 216.2 and I'm now at 229.6. Wrong direction! I don't know what to do! I've been doing awesome with junk food, no fast food for well over 6 weeks. Significantly cut down on all dining out and what I'm ordering when I'm dining out. Boosted freggies and reoriented my entire eating plan towards plant based, whole foods and decreased my animal by-product intake. Nothing extreme and, like I said, I'm far from perfect, but still!!! I'm also increasing all my activity, at extreme additional mental and physical pain; I'm pushing myself to get moving.
The only thing I can possibly imagine causing me to gain weight at this rate would be a medication. Unfortunately, none of my doctors are able to point out which medication, nor do they think it is one. But in all my days of dieting and taking meds, the only time I've gained at this rate was either when I was binging all the time, visiting my hometown of New Orleans, or due to a medication.
I'm struggling with cravings all the time. I'm at that point of this process where this feels like a diet, I feel deprived, because I'm constantly wanting crap foods, regardless of being hungry. I'm at that apex of emotional connection to dieting - food is still a coping mechanism and I'm well aware of trying to cut out this use (or abuse) of food. I've been doing pretty good, but I usually get past this emotional state when I see the progress in my body: more energy, better work outs, weight loss, clothes fitting better, etc. Since this is NOT happening, this whole process and effort feels like torture!!! Total freakin torture!
How can I keep working so hard at things and fail so miserably?