I do not believe I have pushed myself this hard since I had a personal trainer over 5 years ago. I was reading a blog and recalling what it was like to have small children, a job outside of home, very little support, and lots of health issues. Bottom line, the time is right. I can do this and I want to. I still have no expectations to lose weight but today I feel... wonderful, powerful, and full of energy. When was the last time I could say that?

I read another blog that talked about how great it is to be retired and put so much time into SP.

I am not retired but I have a flexible schedule and I only work part time. Right now I don't have a lot of responsibilities in the community. Right now health is pretty good. And right now my family is making very few demands on me.

But I do remember. I remember when I had to get up an hour early to exercise or have any time for myself. I remember when I never was happy with what I was doing because I felt I was capable of so much more yet I was sooo tired. I remember when I wanted to do more but was in too much pain. If I was talking to myself, the me back then, I would say:

"Life right now is complicated and your life is insanely busy. Make small, baby steps. Use the streaks. Be kind to yourself and set small goals that are attainable. Accept that for now, your life is not your own and you have to sacrifice but you will not regret those sacrifices in the future. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to do enough or do it hard enough because your energy has to be divided... so do some. You can do it all, but not right now. Celebrate all good choices you make towards being healthy. If all you can do is go around one block at the pace of a new tricycle rider, then that is OK. Remember that breathing is exercise. Getting in 3 fruts and veggies in is better than none. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy your quiet times. Try to look at your world through different eyes so that when you pick up each toy you can celebrate the milestones your child made that day playing with it. When you wash each dish, think about the good foods your kids are eating. When you are up one more night, enjoy the time alone together. Even though you feel like you have no time, there are no quick fixes. Just change one small thing. Then when you can do that, change another."

I would hug that me. Even though I probably would not believe it. I didn't feel very good about myself back then. I used to think "if only I could...", but I couldn't. Looking back, I did make a lot of good decisions. What I really did not foresee was becoming the me I am today. The me I have become with the help of spark people and the passage of time.

Hmmm.. rambling I suppose. That happens when you get old too, lol. Well, I guess I just want the old me to know that I'm happy today.