Friday, July 06, 2012
Some of you may have noticed I haven't been posting about my weight loss progress lately (of course, I haven't posted HERE at all, but I've not mentioned it, specifically, on other social media accounts, either). There is a two-fold reason for that: firstly, my time has been limited as I've recently started a new job that I really like, but has thrown my routine out of whack; secondly, and disconcertingly... there's been no progress to report.
I did post a blog entry on here in 6.28 about how, though I hadn't lost any weight, I HAD moved down a pants size. Unfortunately, since that point, I've made no progress at all. The scale is just STUCK at -14 pounds. Since early last week. The fact I could move down a pants size was briefly motivating, but as yet another week passed and I saw no results, though I was sticking to all my routines, my gung-ho attitude slowly began to wonder if it was all worth it in the end.
I know, of course, consciously, that these things happened. I dropped weight VERY quickly at first, and, chances are, my metabolism is just balancing out after that and I'll pick back up at a normal 2ish pounds a week (instead of 6!) after that happens.
I can sit here and type that paragraph 85 times, but it isn't going to help how I feel, emotionally, about this.
So I did (what I believed was) the logical thing - I gave myself a cheat day. On July 4th, we had free ice cream and a pot luck at work. I made a sausage and cheese rice bake to share and helped myself to a large portion. I had donuts, a cookie, and a fried chicken wing. At home, I ate some noodles. I thought it was all delicious, and glorious, and wonderful. Except, I realized... I felt terrible! All my energy was gone and familiar gastric issues crept back up. Now, 24 hours later, I'm balancing back out, but I had another epiphany moment as a result of my "cheat day."
What I realized was: even when all the work I put into calorie counting (measuring, logging, tracking all other nutrients, finding a meal to fit into what I need to eat, etc) isn't paying off on the scale, I'm still getting healthier. The benefits are still there, in my energy level, my mood, my attitude - they're all improved! Maybe the scale isn't responding how I'd like it to, but the feeling of being HEALTHY is just amazing.
I wish I could say I'm 100% renewed in my motivation and ready to take on the world again, but I'm still fighting reservations regarding my ultimate success and feelings of failure and inadequacy. I do, however, have another purpose now, and another gauge to track my progress. I certainly won't pretend I'll never cheat again, but at least now I feel like I have another path to follow even when the trail isn't leading where I thought I wanted to go.