Thursday, July 05, 2012
Lately I've been thinkging alot about how lucky I am to have my family. It's probably due to seeing a close family member go through a very close call with their child. I am working very hard to be more aware each day and with each interaction with my kids and my husband. I think that part of not taking care of myself also included zoning out of my own life. I have been kind of sleep walking through - doing things but not really being in the moment. It seems like just yesterday I was pregnant with my oldest and now she's almost 12, I have 2 more kids and I've been with my husband for 10 years this week.
I honestly can say that I have missed most of that time. It's sad because I have always wanted a family just so that I can enjoy raising kids and seeing them grow up. I want my kids to look back and remember that I was really present for their life. No, I may not be the best mom or know just the right thing to do all the time, but I just want to be a participant in their life.
I'm not sure why it's so easy to zone out, but I know that I have to make a conscious effort to be aware.
I don't know for sure how to turn it around, but I have a couple ideas.
1. Spend at least an hour each day (3 on the weekends) on their level doing an activity that they enjoy.
2. Find more ways to allow them to 'help' me. My kids love to help cook, but it's usually easier and faster to just do it myself. No more. I will actively look for more ways to allow them to participate.
3. Make a to-do list for cleaning the house, one that's realistic in expectations, and do it. I get so depressed and overwhelmed by how much I have to do sometimes around the house that I just want to zone out and ignore it. I think that if the house was tidier then it would free up some room in my brain for the family (and physical room).
4. Stick to weekly date night with hubby. My poor eating and zoning out have completely taken over my evenings. My husband and I almost never have time with just the 2 of us when I'm not asleep or distracted by a TV show or playing with my cell phone. I will make our time a priority.
I will work on this and revisit it once in a while to see how I'm doing.