Tuesday, July 03, 2012
i went on vacation, thinking i had all the tools i needed, and that i had properly prepared. i think i put somewhere in a post that i was a little girl with big people's armor on.
i couldn't use the tools i had efficiently and easily, and i became so frustrated that the 2nd week of vacation i just gave up..
so i got back in town last night. stood on the scale today and gained 4.4 lbs. i am just glad that i didn't gain more. and i walked, i walked, and walked. and one day i walked up 1097 steps. (137 multiple times to get to the top of the slide to slide down.)
while i was gone, i read judges 1, 2, and 3 among doing other quiet times. and i worked on memorizing deut 7:7-8a.
in judges 3, the people had sinned. they cried out to God. and bottom line, they didn't have faith, or do it God's way. if they had had faith and done it his way, then they would have successfully driven out the same 7 tribes that God promised they would if they would just obey him. and trust him. that was it. but they ended up just... settling with them. they couldn't drive them out. because they had sinned so much. in judges 3, God decided to leave those amorites, hittites, jebusites, etc there, to train the Israelites to be strong and to test them. the wrong was done. so they had to go with God's new plan. which was live with them. deal with them. train yourself to get strong.
so i realized it is about me. all this time, these many weeks, i have been trying to wrestle my way thru the forest i have wandered into off the path towards God. and i have been trying to go back to where i fell off the path. but that is not what i was supposed to do, in this case. i was supposed to take the sickle (the word of God) and make a new path. and i was supposed to use the Son as my guide, my compass. forget about finding where i left off. that is long gone. done. overwith. too far. just find the road at a different place.
in deut 7:7-8a i read the following: "he didn't choose you or pour out his love for you because you were a great nation. indeed, you were the smallest nation of all! he did it because he loves you... "
wow. what an awesome scripture. i am a tiny person. what great things God has done for the tiny people! what mighty leaders he has made them! and i don't want to lead, as much as make sure i please God! i just want to be with him! and i want everyone i love and cherish to be with him too! i can't figure out why i keep saying "come on, let's go!" and i look around and i seem to be so alone! sometimes, it is because my way was not towards God,. and sometimes, those other people didn't want God as much as i do...