Sorry if this is blog overload. I haven't seen many comments, which likely means I've bored my usual SparkFriend-readers into a stupor. However, I've been doing a bit of thinking and am feeling pretty motivated. I wanted to do some planning ahead for this week, too. (Hooray for a 4-day workweek!)
I caught myself just now, looking at my SparkPage, and seeing the little fishie on my tracker swimming pretty close to the end. I'm in the last quarter of the tracker! That's awesome right? But I didn't think that - instead I clicked without thinking on the "edit tracker" button and just about pushed my goal weight down so I wouldn't look so close to the finish line.
Why would I do that? Shouldn't I just be happy?
I guess it's because I don't have an actual goal weight in mind. I've never been a really healthy fit bodyweight, and never had a low body fat percentage (or even a healthy one), so I don't know what my goal weight should be. If I aimed for the middle of the BMI chart, I'd be looking at between 135 and 140. That, however, sounds ridiculously unachievable. I know there are very normal women out there who are 5' 7-1/2" and 135 pounds. I know that. They look good. They're fine. But that doesn't help me wrap my brain around ME ever getting to 135.
Honestly, I haven't actually thought about what would ever happen if I got under 150 lbs. The scale said 151.8 lbs this morning. I'm almost there!
I guess I ignore it. There's no need to celebrate, really. No excuse for more cupcakes, which are meant to be a treat, paleo or not! (I put most of those paleo carrot cake muffins in the freezer - and holy mama is that almost-no-sugar frosting yummy. I've never even been a big fan of butter (which is a key ingredient: it's cream cheese, butter, vanilla extract, and about a tablespoon of icing sugar for the whole batch) and it's delicious! I'm kind of lusting after that, although I haven't craved anything all week! And just saying - I ate a bunch of that frosting yesterday when I was icing the cupcakes... and I dropped more than a pound overnight. Whaaa?!?! This is like... backwards land!)
The thing is, I have vague ideas of what my finish line would be, and it's not a number on the scale.
It's being able to run as much as I could want. I'm there. Current bunion issues notwithstanding, I've done a whack of half marathons and I run for pleasure, refreshment, socialization, and sanity. Whether I run once in a while or I run regularly on a schedule, I run. I'm done.
It's being able to do real push-ups and pull-ups. I'm there on the push-ups, and making progress on the pull-ups.
It's the fatty arm-wings disappearing (almost) entirely - I can't do much for the stretch marks, but that's okay, our scars tell our stories. Really that's the big one that will tell me when my body's done losing excess fat, the arm-wings. Oh - and a finite line differentiating my bum from my legs. Right now they kind of meld into each other... If you get me in profile view, there's a beautiful strong hamstring curve below, and a reasonable bum above (even if it's a "Prairie Butt", as my physio calls it: flat as can be, and functionally pretty useless - hence the overdeveloped hammies), but then the legs and glutes just kind of blur into one another, due to excess chub located here. I want a line. A between-the-thighs gap would be nice but might be more extreme than I'm interested in. There's got to be balance, right? I'm not into deprivation, if you hadn't guessed that yet, and one's health and fitness regime has to be sustainable long-term. Like LIFE-long term.
I read somebody's blog recently that was talking about finding her "finish line" (although she didn't call it that), and she was going on and on about how she wanted her body to look a certain way yet she "wasn't being vain". Really? Oh come on. I want my arm-wings to go away because yes, it will be a sign that I've minimized my excess body fat, which is unhealthy. But really? I'm healthy now, arm-wings and belly rolls and chubby-thighs and all. And now I'm just being vain.
So - I've been fighting this fatigue and malaise the past week and a half, although today was pretty decent. Assuming I continue improving, here's the plan for the week:
Mon (today) - run long (done!)
Tues - weights and cardio together - maybe a DVD? maybe home-made circuits? Going out for drinks/coffee after dinner with a friend who's in town.
Wed - run after work (moderate, with fartlek intervals if I feel good)
Thurs - no more class, it's done, yaaaaay!!! Do some HIIT cardio if I'm feeling really good, or circuit training weights if not (select body parts b/c it's circuits tomorrow too)
Fri - Circuit training weights (if I did circuits yesterday, then hit the body parts I missed!) Going out for dinner & drinks with a friend after this.
Sat/Sun - hike! weights! fun! weekend! :)
Let's go, kiddies. Onward and downward. Paleo week two. Let's see what the scale does this week... whether this thing is too good to be true, or I actually keep losing!