OH MY DEAR, SWEEEEEETTTTT JESUS! I know I've been living in a state of denial, but I don't think that I really thought I had stuck my head as deep down into the sand as I actually have! Holy Moly!
Yesterday I logged my food for the first time in a long, long, long time. I knew that I was ready to start fresh, and I knew that I was going to track again. All day long I made sensible choices and I even swam laps for over a half an hour. Things were looking pretty good! Then, I finished my shift at work, got sidetracked catching up with some coworkers, and before you knew it, it was almost 6 pm, I hadn't done any grocery shopping, and I was starving. I quickly went to the store to get the things on my list, all the while getting hungrier and hungrier.
EVERYBODY knows you shouldn't go grocery shopping when you are hungry because you will end up with things you DO NOT NEED in your cart. Yesterday was NO exception to the rule, I am sad to report! I was just looking in the kitchen and I can't believe some of the things that I justified bringing into our house! Ice cream? Nutella? Potato Straws? Really?! Well, it's done now, and I'm going to have to do my BEST to practice the self control I've put on the shelf for way too long.
Sadly, the story doesn't end there. By the time I was loading up my car, it was after 7, I hadn't eaten since 12:30, and I'd been swimming and playing in the water for over an hour and a half between then! To say that I was "hungry" would be a gross understatement. Mind you, I have a BOATLOAD of groceries IN MY CAR, with sensible snacking options at my fingertips right now. But what do I do? I go through the drive through at Taco Bell. WHAT IS THAT?! My rational was that I'm hormonal (TOM), I'd made great food choices during the day, and that I'd burnt a lot of calories swimming. In other words, excuses, excuses, excuses. I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't even make good choices there. I totally went with what sounded good at the time. And guess what? IT DIDN'T EVEN TASTE VERY GOOD!
So I came home, told M what I had just done, and went to the computer and tracked everything. Oh my dear, sweet, Jesus. I have been blissfully unaware of just HOW RIDICULOUS Taco Bell was. I have been very, very diligent in avoiding Taco Bell for years now because it is a HUGE trigger for me. Once I have it, I want it again and again. About two months ago I had some in an emotional eating meltdown, and I've been having it WAYYYY too frequently ever since. I can't believe that the two items and Fruitista I had was 1200 calories! 1200 calories! That's a daily intake of calories for a lot of females on Spark People, and I scarfed it down LIKE NOTHING for one meal! I know for a fact that I've packed away more calories than that on multiple occasions over the last two months. Can I really be so SHOCKED that my weight has been skyrocketing lately?
Talk about a walk up call! No more of that! I couldn't believe that I'd had over 2100 calories, not to MENTION nearly 100 grams of fat. I felt disgusting. I felt discouraged. I felt disappointed. But I also felt determined. I really DO know what needs to be done, I've just been blatantly and patently ignoring it and willfully doing and eating what I want to do and eat! If I'm going to be serious, I have to GET serious. I'm getting close to my two year Sparkiversary, and I weigh more this year than last year. I am going in the wrong direction in every way, and it has to stop. Period. The end.
Luckily, the Rock It challenge this week is to plan out 3-5 workouts and follow through with the plan. I have a shortish week already because we are taking a short trip out of town this weekend, so I have to make the most of the time I DO have. As part of my job, I plan activities for the girls and I to do together, and I had already planned in two trips to the pool (plus a few to the beach, but since it is Lake Superior, it's still pretty chilly and doesn't always involve swimming!), so here is the workout plan for this week:
Sunday 7/1 = Swimming (Done, swam laps for 30 minutes, kept moving and playing for another 60!)
Tuesday 7/3 = Zumba! I haven't been in weeks! I'm so ready to sweet it out!
Thursday 7/5 = Zumba! My OTHER instructor this time!
Thursday 7/5 = Swimming (I'll have both girls with me, but I commit to swimming laps for at least 20-30 minutes in addition to just moving around and playing!)
I have also been blogging on my personal blog about our menu plans for a while now. I'm really enjoying the benefits of knowing exactly what I'm making ahead of time! Now we have to clean it up and make sure that everything we are making is as healthy as possible! If you are interested in that, or some of my other food experiments (canning, making yogurt, making bread) feel free to check it out at citygirlyooperliving.blo
! I've really been having a ball over there, plus you get to learn secrets like M's name! Oooo! Ahhh!
I'm looking forward to supporting the other Done Girls out there ready to Rock It this season and make some positive changes! I am really in reset mode right now, so I'm grateful for all the support I've been getting too! Let's go Mamas!