Sunday, July 01, 2012
I am going to really do it this time... How many times have I started a journey with that sentence... and honestly every time I have meant it with all my heart and I have believed it whole heartily... what happens?? well let's see... running late, screaming toddlers, the devil sneaks in and tells me I am not good enough... not worthy and why even try anyways... I will never be good... I am inherently bad... horrible.. and I slide... and when I say slide, I mean crash... If I am going to eat something I shouldn't then I am going to binge on all I am not suppose to eat...and then I go deep down in that crappy pit... and the last thing i am doing when I am that low is exercising... why exercise? I am not worth it.
I want to succeed... it is not going to be easy... I have a 11 year old boy (shared custody with ex...and I miss him so much when he is not with me...) a 3 year old boy and a 22 month old girl. .. I also take care of my grandma who has alzheimers and it is so hard most days... I am never home and never still... so we eat on the go a lot... it is not how I planned on being or feeding my kids... but it is the cold hard truth right now.
Things have to change... I have to allow my self to succeed... to feel good.. I pray that He gives me the strength to begin and keep on going and to love myself a little bit a long the way!