broken heart the hard way
Saturday, June 30, 2012
So I've had some bad news recently. Compared to people facing deaths of loved ones or debilitating diseases, my news was not so bad. But it broke my heart just the same. My job for next year has changed, not by my choice. While it might end up being a step up financially, it is definitely a step down in every other way possible. It broke my heart into itty bitty pieces.
On Thursday, I got the call to come to the meeting. Being a natural-born worrywart, I couldn't eat the rest of the day. I received the bad news on Friday morning, and I was so upset I didn't eat all day. Today, I had already planned to have breakfast with a cousin before going out of town, so I didn't even try to stay within calories.
On the days I didn't eat, I didn't work out. How lame is it to pause (quit) a 28-day bootcamp on day 26? Super lame.
So... I'm not being an emotional eater. If anything, my stomach is so twisted up that I can't eat. But I also have zero desire to work out or do anything else productive. Up side, I got some retail therapy today. Bought a bunch of new outfits for a couple of trips I have coming up, with no laundry time between. The pants I bought are 2 sizes down from the last pants I bought.
The hurt, anger, and tears have mostly subsided. It's still very fresh and I'm prone to having negative thoughts if I'm not diligent. My sister, a therapist at a psychiatric facility, has made me lock my negative thoughts in a lock box and give her the key. She hid it, and I'm not allowed to know where. Yes, this lock box and key are imaginary. But they've helped me remember -- I'm not supposed to be focusing on that negative thought. It's locked away.