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numbers numbers numbers

Saturday, June 30, 2012

There are days I feel like numbers run my life. Numbers on the scale, numbers on the clock, the numbers on a clothing label. The numbers of minutes I am running late, or how many minutes I can allow to get somewhere without being tempted to up the number on the speedometer which would then result in being way more minutes late and require a number of dollars to be paid, thus making it an idiotic strategy overall. The numbers in my bank account, the numbers of minutes I have exercised, the number of minutes I have squandered looking for lost items, or watching silly tv, or eating food I don't need, which robs me of energy. Numbers of calories consumed, numbers on a tape measure, the number of good, bad, or in-between choices I make that determine the course of any given day. Facing my birthday, I am aware of the number of years I have been alive (53 as of this Tuesday) and calmly aware that I am certainly well beyond the half-way point of my life (and even more aware that I really have no idea where I am on the spectrum because there is no guarantee of a certain number of years we are allowed to live, despite what the insurance actuary tables say). There are the numbers I use to count my blessings (4 children, 3 grandchildren, 1 husband for over 20 years, among other precious blessings) and the numbers I use to make myself feel that I am falling short (20 lbs away from a healthy weight, 1 year at essentially the same place weight-wise). Sometimes, when I let the numbers fall away, I can focus on what I am feeling (stronger, more comfortable in my body, grateful that, despite some chronic health challenges, I am overall fundamentally healthy). I can focus on what I hear (less tortured breathing when I am climbing hills or running, praise and encouragement from unexpected people at unexpected times). I can focus on what I see (a home that is tended to by me that, while it will never be perfect, it is mostly warm and welcoming; the beautiful outdoors where I spend time part of every day). I can check in, anytime, day or night and find words of honest struggle, heartfelt encouragement, and hard-won wisdom here on SP. I may never, ever have all the numbers line up neatly - healthy weight, comfortable measurements, anxiety-proof bank balance, etc. What I CAN do is not allow these numbers to have utter power over me, not allow them to rule me for more than a few anxious moments out of any given day. I can make my way, despite what I weigh, making the choice at any given moment to count my blessings. When I count my blessings, you are among them, believe me.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    This is a great post! I can really relate to your "numbers game"...
    2058 days ago
    Great thought! We all have to remember this!
    2061 days ago
    Fantastic as usual! You really have a wonderful way with putting profound thought to words.Because we never really know where we are on the spectrum I hope every day is wonderful and that this birthday is one of your many most favorites emoticon emoticon
    2064 days ago
  • YIWEN39
    Happy Birthday Cannie! Enjoy the moment and give those numbers a rest ;-)
    2064 days ago
    Wishing you a very happy day on Tuesday! I prefer to celebrate the birthday week or month - so Happy Birthday month my friend....

    2064 days ago
    I agree on those numbers, they are not always good to me because I obsess too easy... happy birthday!
    2065 days ago
    No, we can not let numbers rule our lives!! There really is no power in numbers - only what we allow them to have. So, if you must give any power at all to any of those numbers, then stick with the blessings!! Those are the best numbers anyway.
    You are such an insightful person, Cannie!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!
    And, have a marvelous birthday!!

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    2065 days ago
  • PJH2028
    Oh my. I needed to read this today. So much I resonate with. THANK YOU!
    2065 days ago
    well said - something we all need to keep in mind!
    2065 days ago
    One of your best, Ms. Cannie! You and my sister share the same birthday no wonder I love you!!!

    I am always reminded of Bob Seger's song, feel like a number. Its perfect. If you haven't heard it for awhile, Google it and read the words.

    My favorite part is when he says,
    Wanna shout out at the ocean, hey it'S ME!

    You are 1 of my favorite people and that's the only number I need. Thanks doll. Popular,are blog award, coming up!
    2065 days ago
    Well said Cannie. I wish you a new year of health happiness, and feeling more powerful than any number.
    emoticon emoticon
    2065 days ago
    First of all, VERY happy birthday to you!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

    This is such a good blog! Sometimes we really do get bogged down in the nitty gritty of the "numbers" in our lives.

    You have given me pause to stop and think, stop and count what IS important and live each day to the fullest, because for sure we DON'T know the final game plan, but what a waste of life to waste precious time worrying about that!

    Excellent blog.
    2065 days ago
    So true... Life is certainly a numbers game!

    2065 days ago
    Eloquent blog: I number it among the best I've ever read here!
    2065 days ago
    And you are counted among my blessings for sure!
    Numbers are so subjective.... when I have a bit of a streak going, as I do now with my food tracking, and when I am eating within my healthy calorie range, all those numbers seem friendly. It's funny how that can work...
    NEVER lose sight of how you have come, sure there is more progress to be made, but that's ok, that is life.
    Wishing you countless blessings on your birthday, dear emoticon
    2065 days ago
    I've always had issues with numbers...
    What Cellista said...words (and actions) are better!
    2065 days ago
    This is an excellent blog. We all know not to be run by the numbers, but you have put it in a very beautiful context here. They are part of our life, but there is so much more. Thanks.
    2065 days ago
    What a wonderful blog! Thank you for expressing what so many of us are feeling.
    Some days it DOES seem as thought the numbers surround us.
    I have managed to whittle my anxiety down to 20 minutes and then it is time make a plan.

    Works most of the time, but for when it doesn't. I can always count on positive, encouragement from Spark friends, like you..

    You are still a youngster, as I will be turning 55, in November.

    Hope you have a beautiful birthday, with nary a care, in the world.

    Thank you, for being YOU!

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! emoticon emoticon
    2065 days ago
    Numbers: bad. Words: good.
    2065 days ago
    listen, young woman, that was a brilliant blog. no, all the numbers will never align ... (especially an anxiety proof bank account!) but ... things are good and we are very lucky women despite all the stupid little things we let bother us all too often. thank you for reminding me. also, while i'm thinking about it, thank you for reminding me about ST (which i have indeed been doing) ... another nice thing about having lost weight is that it's not embarrassing for the PT to massage my hip (he said my hip is tense & tight. who even knew that was possible? shoulders, neck, yes, hips?).
    happy birthday and wishing you the most wonderful year yet!
    2065 days ago
  • NUMD97
    Birthdays, especially, are times of introspection. That's a given, I think. What I always love about your blogs is the way you balance the negative and always end up concluding with a positive. And always leaving the reader thinking.

    Thank you for that, and the happiest of birthdays to you, young lady,


    emoticon [hope you have one of these for when you go and paint the town red]



    2065 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/30/2012 5:49:42 PM
    It looks as though you have stopped to smell the roses my dear friend : )

    I keep reading about how once we let the concern for those #'s in our lives go, that they will align themselves. Part of me does believe it. Of course, there is also a larger part of me that simply cannot turn my gaze way from those #'s all around me and trust in it!

    Great blog!

    2065 days ago
    Hi Cannie, sounds like we are counting the same things, but besides counting numbers of things and events, I can always count on you for an uplifting and thought provoking blog. Happy happy birthday. emoticon emoticon
    2065 days ago
  • DEE0973
    You are absolutely wonderful. This blog, although written to share with is right on time for me. It has hit a chord as I too struggle with the # on the scale. I was just pondering, restarting yet again. Thanks for the enlightening words which have given encouragement beyond words.

    Happy Birthday Ms. Cannie
    2066 days ago
    Love the last line, you are a blessing to me as well. We just gotta count the right things, lol.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY sweet, beautiful, smart lady!

    pan> emoticon
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    2066 days ago
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