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Not to Binge...

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Hey Sparkfriends!

June was a great month for me with regard to weight loss because I FINALLY broke another plateau. And I'm feeling good about the decision to decrease my goal weight to 146 lbs.

But there's an issue in my life that really needs to be addressed, and that is my Binge Eating Disorder. For some reason it's been happening much too frequently lately. The first half of June I did rather well and abstained from the binging. But the third week I binged for four days strait. And this last week I binged once on Tuesday.

So while I do have a weight loss goal to lose 3 lbs in July, I have to make it a priority to really focus on avoiding any more epic binges. To do that, I'm going to try to chill out on weighing myself so frequently. It's just too easy for me to get obsessed with the scale. So my plan is to weigh myself only in the morning, and not even necessarily every day. I'm not going to put a restriction on how often I can weigh myself (because I don't do restrictions- they make me crazy). But I'm just going to put some effort into at least cutting it down to once daily, if that. I'm also going to try to not restrict my calories so much. I feel better when I eat lower calories but like I said, restriction makes me crazy. I can't feel too much deprivation because that is a huge binge trigger for me. I'd be better off just trying to learn to listen to my body and eat when and what my TRUE hunger is telling me to eat. This is a practice that is going to take a long time to perfect, I'm sure. But I'm working on it... and the first step is to try to stop micromanaging every morsel of food I consume- though it's easy to fall into that pattern with my food problems. I'm still going to count calories and plan meals, but I'm going to try to not be so restrictive about it.

Also, I need to try to be accountable to someone for my binges because when I binge, it sparks a cycle of extreme depression, guilt, and shame. I internalize those feeling, and it makes it almost impossible to come out of the funk and it's very unpleasant. So I'm going to put some effort into posting a blog here on Spark every time I binge. Because rationally I know that you're all going to be caring and supportive and encouraging to me. And that's what I need rather than isolation, depression, loneliness, and shame. It's going to be hard to post a blog every time I binge, because it's embarrassing. But I think the fellowship and accountability are very necessary during times like that.

So here's my first accountability... My last epic binge was Tuesday and I ate as follows:

~ 3 rolls of sushi (1,000 calories)
~ popcorn (300 calories)
~ "diet" ice cream (75 calories)
~ Cereal (400 calories)
~ Queso cheese soup (300 calories)
~ Ice cream cone (375 calories)
~ chips (500 calories)
~ Peppermint patties (600 calories)

Total Calories- 3,550! Three days worth of calories in one sitting!

I'm just now beginning to recover from that awful binge. The worst part was, when I did this I still hadn't recovered from the 4 day binge the week prior to this one. So it was really bad.

I ordered a book on Amazon to help me work through my problem. I had been doing so well keeping it under control but it just rears its ugly head, out of nowhere, with absolutely NO warning. It's destructive and miserable.

I'm hoping July is a better month for me with regard to the binging.

So anyway, in a nutshell... My goals for July are as follows

~ Not to binge! (and to be accountable if I do binge)
~ finish my summer semester (I take my final on the 10th)
~ Read the Bible and pray more
~ Read Anatomy of a Food Addiction and utilize the tools available to overcome my B.E.D.
~ Clean my daughters' rooms and sort through drawers to prepare for new school clothes
~ Lose 3 lbs (by eating healthy and exercising)

Thanks for listening Sparkfriends! I love you!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOJIMAK 7/10/2012 5:27PM

    I have the exact same problem with binge eating. Some people on spark have commented on whether or not I have restricted my calorie intake and hence the binge eating. I try to go to the higher end of my calorie allowance on some days, especially on days that I've had a tough work out. I think setting aside a day or a weekend where you treat yourself to some most of the time off-limits food so that you don't feel deprived might be good. Most of all, it's still 3500 Calories, acknowledge it, accept it and move on. I know it's easier said than done but I'm in the same boat. Good luck!!! Hope your July is going as planned and GREAT JOB on your transformation. You look fantastic and you are an inspiration for many here :-)

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CHANGING4LIFE 7/3/2012 10:08PM

    You were honest about and that is the hardest thing to do. Being accountable is the first step.

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AZSKIES 7/2/2012 1:10AM

    Look forward to hearing about Anatomy of a Food Addiction and what you think of it. Hope July goes well for you emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/2/2012 1:10:29 AM

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BOOKWORM27S 7/1/2012 9:08PM

    Bring on July! Sounds like some great goals.

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ROCKMAN6797 7/1/2012 4:38PM

    I think it is an excellent idea to blog after a binge (though I hope that you will blog otherwise!) It will keep you honest and help get you back on the path.
Know that we are here to support you and listen to you.

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OOLALA53 6/30/2012 11:36AM

    I want to be on your side. I suggest having specific plans for what you will do BEFORE you binge when the impulse strikes as well as the plan to blog afterwards. And I definitely think you need to weigh just once a day! If not less often. Think about it. Why would a human being need to weigh more than once a day? Try to think of your habits being what you want to stay true to in and of themselves. If you "cheat" but lose weight, or don't cheat but gain, how will you handle that?

You really have come a long way and you are down to the core now. Keep going! emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 6/30/2012 11:03AM

    It is great that you are blogging about it.

You are right--you will get encouragement, support, and accountability. I am here to offer my support, prayers, friendship, and anything else you need.

I binged for a period of time when I lived away from home and then tried to restrict myself (never worked). I went to a church service and the speaker was recovering from bulimia. She invited everyone who struggled with eating to receive healing. I was healed in that service. I pray God will heal you and help you.

Deprivation doesn't work for me either. I can't tell myself something is off limits because I will want to eat it. So I tell myself I can have anything but I make decisions and try to pay attention to how it makes my body feel. I track my food and when I see that something isn't worth it calorie wise I will choose something else next time.

Great choices you've made to blog about this. Great goals you've set and I know you can achieve them! Don't waste time feeling negative about it. You are beloved child of God and so precious. Just focus on the present, not the past, not the future. Just stay in the moment because you can't change the past, only learn from it and worrying about the future only causes anxiety. So take each day one day at a time.

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