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    THEMANOR2011   1,353
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Self Destruct Button - I can't stop hitting it!

Saturday, June 30, 2012

So sad to be writing this type of blog, but partly doing it as a confession. It is strange in life when one part of your life improves, i.e. my work the other side i.e. goes down. Lately I have been working in the speciality that I want as my full time career and loving it lots of theatre time. Apart from one female consultant I am the only woman usually there, feel I have a lot to prove and want to impress. I am working long hours, but i have bad habit of when i do that i shut me down.

my eating has become out of control again and last night hit a major low, i had a massive binge and even drank a whole bottle of wine to myself - i have never done that before in my life! i know there is a root cause to these events for people but mine i can't put my finger on things. i am doing things i haven't done in years, buying sweets and crisps chocolate, basically rubbish! and worse thing is my partner is being a good and trying to make me healthy food and meals when i get in but i am buying things in secret :-( life is getting out of control.

I am worried that the reason i am doing it is I have had some inappropriate comments and innuendos at work, and perhaps i am trying to overeat ,put weight on to be invisible again. Also I was meant to be enjoying london, but the placement fell through although got given an extension at the one i was doing. i thought i would be enjoying things in london and had a nice budget which now i am spending on anything and everything to perhaps try and compensate - pathetic huh? worried that i have been at the place so long now i am just in the way - people get sick of me. never mind will leave my thoughts at that.
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ARTJAC 7/1/2012 1:45AM

    emoticon

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RAINBOWCHOC 6/30/2012 2:43PM

    Most of us have been there, and are likely to have days when it will/could happen again. Being honest with yourself is half the battle. forgive yourself is the next step and draw a line under the event. don't dwell on the negative any more than you have to. Begin to treat yourself as you would a patient, mistakes are allowed, progress takes time and practise.
good luck with a new week, there will be new choices every day but you will make LOTS of good ones, they will make you healthier!
best wishes, Sandra

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KANOE10 6/30/2012 9:06AM

    Try to plan a day of healthy eating..put it down in the tracker. Then try to stay away from sugar. You have had a rough stressful few days, but you can get back on track and work on being healthy.

I have been there with you..bingeing and buying food in secret. I have also had inappropriate comments at work that grate on me..now that you are no longer invisible.

You had the strength to lose weight and be healthy. You can do it again. Try to figure out the stresses. Get some exercise!

You can do it. emoticon

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RKMHOYLE 6/30/2012 8:22AM

    You taken the first step by identifying your behavior. Now take a deep breath and continue to review why you are engaging in your self defeating behaviors. Remind yourself that you are worth it and pick up and start over again today. Good luck to you!

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