Friday, June 29, 2012
How is it possible to know so many people and yet be so utterly alone?
So, sometimes I have difficult moments. I've been working through these thoughts this weekend, as I celebrate my birthday and realize I haven't seen a lot of my long-time friends in at least a year, maybe more. I was focusing too heavily on what I DIDN'T have, in my socialization, and lamenting the fact that everyone thinks I'm some kind of "social butterfly" when I've spent the last month primarily alone, or pet-sitting someone's animals. This month that I've been living away from Heather has been difficult. I feel more fully "single" than ever before. And I'm grateful that I didn't have to experience that right after I divorced my husband. With that added time, or delay, or deferment, although the pain and struggles might not have lessened, maybe I can claim to be healthier and more ready to conquer them. Certainly having the new job, and being able to afford renting the room makes it a little easier.
I am working on being the independent, strong, centered person that I know I am. And if I let myself take care of my own self as much as I want to take care of others, then I'll learn how to do that, too.
In the meantime, if I miss seeing my old friends, then I think it's only logical to reach out to them and plan a visit. Everyone has their own stuff to deal with, and usually people can't read minds.
I am actively envisioning the future that I want, what I believe I need and what will bring me happiness. And then I'm taking steps to accomplish those things. It's the same for weight loss, socialization, moving, career advancement, home decorating, decluttering & organizing, or any big goal that needs to be broken down to get done!