Thursday, June 28, 2012
Yup it is almost that time when my Biggest Loser adventure will begin this July. If you recall last Dec/Jan I entered a video contest for a chance to be 1 of 10 winners to win 4 weeks at the Biggest Loser Resort to have my own BL experience and get a kick-start on this journey. Although my journey and struggles started way before this contest. Thanks to all of those FB family and friends and some SP friends who supported me and voted for me I won . I will have four weeks at the resort to focus on me and learn all I can so that I can come back home and continue implementing what I learn into my daily life for the rest of my life. I am excited and scared at the same time.
I am afraid to let myself down and discovered that I am a wimp and do not have what it takes and I will forever be stuck in this body. Hiding under these pounds. At the same time it would be great to realize that underneath all of this lives a warrior ready to kick butt. That the anger and pain inside of me bursts out in rage and kicks ass every day.
After motherhood this is the most scary thing I have ever done, completely out of my comfort zone. I am always that girl that feels she never fits in and at times feels like she's trying too hard so it is easier to exclude myself from the world. So coming to a place where I will be surrounded by nothing familiar and strangers is a bit intimidating.
I also worry about my kids. Not seeing them for a month, hoping they are well taken care off, the truth is no one will take care of your children like you would. Actually my mom would have but as some of you may know I lost my mom last year to cancer.
I wonder if my mom would have been so happy for me right now. I believe she would have been. She wanted me to get healthy and find the help I needed to lose weight, even offered to pay for it. I was never able to please her because I lost her TOO FAST. I always thought that she would make it. She was one of the strongest woman I have ever known but cancer kicked her ass and killed her. Now I would like to kick obesity's ass since I cannot kick cancer's ass.
This is so hard, losing my mom has by far been the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. I try to be grateful that I am still here and I have my kids but the anger inside of me and the pain some days is just too much. If it was up to me I wouldn't even leave my house but I fight those feelings every day for my kids. I hate leaving them for a whole month but it is to get help with the hopes of getting healthy to be the mom they need that I am doing this.
Please keep me in your prayers for safe travels for super natural daily physical and emotional strength to kick butt during my wokouts and daily hikes.
I can receive mail while at the resort so if anyone wants to drop me a quick hello/encouragement note you can. I'll be there for four weeks starting July 1st.
You can write to me at:
The Biggest Loser Resort
Attn: Yesenia Ortiz
327 Latigo Canyon Road
Malibu, CA 90265
Your daily prayers are welcomed and appreciated.