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MARTHASPARKS
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If You Don't Love Yourself Before, You Won't Love Yourself After

Thursday, June 28, 2012

I really love the new Spark People Healthy Inspiration section. I guess that I am one of those people who respond really well to motivational quotes and visual images and this section is full of them. I'm choosing one a week and making it my motivator for the week. From now on, I think I'll start adding it to my Spark page and sharing what it means and why it is important to me for the week.

While I was scrolling through the Healthy Inspirations, I ran in to the one that is the title of this blog - "If you don't love yourself before, you won't love yourself after." I take exception to this quote and I think it is demotivating for many, many Spark people.

Since I have been on Spark, I have shared with you some of the horrors of my past: childhood abuse and neglect, the loss of my childhood to a parent's alcoholism, rape and my subsequent path to a happy, long term marriage of 37 years, our raising of a lovely, giving, successful only child, financial security. I shared that psychotherapy and faith helped me find my way out of the darkness. In sharing this, I have heard from more Spark members with similar stories than I can count.

There are Spark people with darker stories than mine, stories of adults who struggle every day with the horrors perpetuated against them by parents, lovers, spouses, even their own children, Spark People who have no self esteem, no reason to believe, and little energy to continue. These people didn't seem to have any reason to believe that they would ever be successful. Most of them are hiding in grossly fat bodies because they believe that they are safe there - safe if they are fat, undesirable, ugly. They are hiding is fat bodies because they don't believe that they deserve to look good, that they can never look good, feel good, be healthy or reach their goal. They stay on Spark because on Spark, they can still see a glimmer of hope. On Spark, they have a community that encourages them to try, that tells them that they do deserve it and that they can have it. They see people like themselves who do make it, using the tools that Spark offers to all of us for free.

The Healthy Inspiration quote that "If you don't love yourself before, you won't love yourself after" wasn't wrong, it was just incomplete. I want you to believe in yourself, as I believe in myself. I want you to succeed, not just at losing weight and gaining health but at something much, much more important. I want you to succeed at learning to love yourself, value yourself, believe in yourself. Here's the new inspirational quote - the right quote to help you on your journey.

If you don't love yourself before, YOU CAN LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF DURING THE JOURNEY, and you WILL love yourself after. We're all here to help.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v LINDAMARIEZ1
    very well said!

    spark hug
    454 days ago
  • v AKIMBERLYQ1
    This is what I nee emoticon ded to hear. Thanks this is beatiful
    796 days ago
  • v TRY2KEEPGOING
    Martha,
    I truly admire your courage and strength. I have not suffered at the hands of another and can only imagine how horrific that must be. I have to agree what you posted about the quote. Bless you for being such a positive role model for all of us!
    Kathy
    1479 days ago
  • v JAE_HENNINGTON
    ok,I must have had one of those moments with fibro fog when I first read this the first time and commented cause honestly I don't remember reading it what I do know now from reading is why I have felt this connection with you for awhile now. not only with us both having fibro. I was abused and abandoned in childhood and still at 62 it stills as much now as it did then. I have been to many counselors through the years who have tried to guide me through the process of of weakening the pain of a childhood lost. I want to live a better life, I want to be happy, and be a positive person that sees the good in things. I am tired of carrying the baggage around.. I thank you for being so open with us and allowing us to know we are all connected in some way or another merely by being human
    I thank you for being my friend
    1493 days ago
  • v BGRN13
    I am new to your blogs, but I'm glad I read this one first! Many of us haven't loved ourselves much over the years for various reasons. I agree that SP is helping some of us overcome some of our issues and move on to a healthier lifestyle. Thanks for your great blog! emoticon
    1493 days ago
  • v JAE_HENNINGTON
    Thank you for your kind words and your hard work, I don't know everything you go through but that I do know of, I know it isn't always easy to face another day..
    1494 days ago
  • v BISCO_
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    emoticon
    1511 days ago
  • v KASEYCOFF
    I totally agree, Martha - great message!
    emoticon
    1513 days ago
  • v SA9CHI
    You are truly inspirational! thank you for taking the time to write this. You've overcome a lot of obstacles, didn't know about your past but am grateful for your openess. It gives me hope for a brighter future if I'm willing to work at it.
    1514 days ago
  • v EVLOBOS310
    Very well put, thank you.
    1515 days ago
  • v MARVEEME
    Well said, my dear friend. Every journey is different. Everyone has their own time frame for accomplishing these important milestones, and while some are immediately fired up and quickly successful in reaching initial goals, others take more time or energy, are learning at different paces, and have a plethora of real and imaginary roadblocks that hamper their perceived success rate.

    IMHO........if you're reading this, YOU'RE ALREADY A WINNER, by FAR!

    We all have our own motivators, we just need to identify them and remember to use them regularly to get the results we want. Every day is a gift and an adventure, so go get 'em, tiger!

    1515 days ago
  • v KAYTIE22
    This was so good Martha. Thank you so much. We are really blessed that you came to us through SparkPeople. And thank you for reminding me about the Health Inspiration section. I should look at it more often.
    1516 days ago
  • v FRAN0426
    Fantastic blog Martha. Your responce to the quote surely makes it more meaningful and true for many.
    1516 days ago
  • v 1COUNTRY_GAL
    Thank you Martha,your re wording of this made the Quote complete,so glad you did or I would have still been wondering what was wrong.You are such an awesome insightful dear sweet Spark friend and Member.Love this Quote now and you can take credit for this quote too! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Diana
    1517 days ago
  • v POLYANNA2
    When I saw the title of your blog flip by, it really grabbed my attention. My thought was, "This can't be right." I was relieved when I read your blog and how you have reworked the quote. You have amazing insight and amazing compassion. It was an honour to have read your wise words.
    Thank you.
    emoticon Carol
    1517 days ago
  • v NATNOEL
    Martha,
    What a kind soul you are.
    I am so glad there are people like you in this world.
    God Bless You.
    1517 days ago
  • v HAPPYSOUL91
    wonderful thoughts
    1517 days ago
  • v SEWINGMAMACDS
    Great blog!
    1517 days ago
  • v REACHING4HOME
    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE THIS BLOG! YOU COULDN'T BE MORE SPOT ON. THE QUOTE THEY GAVE WAS INCOMPLETE. YOURS IS FAR MORE ACCURATE. SO MANY OF US DON'T THINK WE SHOULD TAKE THE TIME FOR OURSELVES FIRST BECAUSE IT WILL MEAN TAKING TIME AWAY FROM SOMETHING OR SOMEONE ELSE. THAT'S HOW WE GOT HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! IT IS HARD TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST BUT, UNTIL WE DO, PROGRESS WILL BE SLOW AND FLEETING. WHEN WE PUT OURSELVES FIRST, WE REALIZE THE WORLD REALLY DOESN'T STOP WITHOUT US. OH THERE ARE THOSE THAT WILL COMPLAIN PLENTY BUT WE WILL GO ON! CHANCES ARE, THE PROBLEMS WE MAY HAVE HAD GOING INTO THIS JOURNEY, WILL STILL BE THERE WHEN WE COME OUT. BUT WE, OURSELVES, WILL BE DIFFERENT AND MAY THEN LOOK AT THOSE PROBLEMS IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT. GREAT, GREAT BLOG!
    ERIN
    1517 days ago
  • v JAMER123
    How beautiful and compassionate! We stand in hopes we can learn to love ourselves some day and work today to lose the fat we are hiding behind. You have learn to love yourself and have done a fantastic job at it.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1517 days ago
  • v ANNAMARIE1958
    emoticon emoticon
    1517 days ago
  • v TINAJANE76
    Right on, Martha! I think many of us have skeletons in our closets that sometimes hold us back from being our best and hiding behind our weight is just one defense mechanism we use to allow ourselves to go unnoticed. Whatever our past or present issues are, we can all benefit from being kinder to ourselves. Being and staying heavy won't make our problems go away, it will just make us unhealthy!
    1517 days ago
  • v BLUE42DOWN
    I agree that the phrase is more than a bit over-simplified.

    I think the idea it is trying to express is that we DO HAVE TO WORK ON IT along the way. Simply losing weight doesn't create self-love. Learning to love ourself does. Some people do get the idea that the only reason they are miserable in their life is their weight. If we don't ever start practicing self-love, weight loss alone won't magically make it happen.
    1517 days ago
  • v GRANNYSUE9
    Now that is the truth! Awesome blog from an awesome lady!!
    1517 days ago
  • v ANATASHIKI
    emoticon
    1517 days ago
  • v ZIGMATTIC
    Awesome!!I think I've been in my fat body for a long time because of all my childhood trauma & I think I'm starting to love myself .
    1517 days ago
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