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    JOHNTJ1   64,946
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This Is The Control Tower, Can You Read Me?

Thursday, June 28, 2012

I’d been in a foul mood all week and it wasn’t getting better. Starting today our temperatures are supposed to be in the triple digits. We had planned to attend a three day blue grass festival starting this evening and now are plans are in a state of flux. That makes me angry!!!!Does that rant make me feel better; hardly? I was investing in something I had absolutely no control over – the weather. Like everyone else in my neighborhood I took every opportunity to blame the woes of the world on something so inanimate it couldn’t even defend itself.

I sat down and pulled out my frayed and dog eared legal pad to make a list of all the things I THOUGHT I could control but couldn’t. It was pretty long. It’s the proverbial flight of fancy. I asked myself how much time I devoted to things I had no control over. It was a lot more time than I had imagined. I started another list, the things in my life I could control. If I stopped stressing out over stuff like the weather maybe, just maybe, I could attack the real issues in my life, the beliefs that are barriers to my success. But, ah-ha, they have faces and names and OMG they can fight back and they require moderate to severe introspection and the dirty and nasty H word --- Honesty. There are three things I know I can control

1. I deserve to be successful.
Please note I am not entitled to be successful. My success depends on my perception of myself. Nothing about my age, my gender, my education, my race or sexual orientation has a hoot to do with my success. I can stand here all day and go toe-to-toe with you about people I know who looked at those things as being challenges to their success, not obstacles or reasons to give up. No one, parent, partners, friends or employers are going to believe in your value until you believe in it. What can I control? I can start with the perception I have of myself. No one owes me anything, except me. I owe myself the honor and dignity of believing I deserve.

2. I am worth all the effort I put into myself.
I have a nephew who runs in marathon races. He told me that just about anyone can run the first twenty three miles of a marathon if they train correctly. He went on to say that it is the last three miles or so that require maximum effort. How often do I reach the point in my development whether it’s personal or professional and pull back in fear or anxiety? How often do excuses abound? Excuses like “lack of time,” “bad weather,” not enough support.” What excuses do I use to not push those mental last three miles?

Don’t believe me? Here’s a challenge. The next time you walk into a bookstore notice how many books have been published on self-help and on dieting. Next time you clean out your spam folder notice how many “miracle weight loss” e-mails you receive. How often do we gravitate towards the quick fixes in lieu of the positive and often painful effort required to assure long lasting success?

3. You are who you hang around with.
Years ago a boss of mine gave, me a pearl of wisdom I’ve not forgotten. “There are two types of people in this world, People that make things happen and people that let things happen!”

There is nothing wrong with imitating positive, successful and healthy behavior. We are largely a “monkey see, monkey do” society. Imitating and mirroring positive behavior in another person only raises us to their level of excellence and performance. Who do you associate with and why do you associate with them? Coaching and mentoring professions are growing rapidly because we are identifying with people who practice positive behaviors that can help us reach our life goals. You can apply them to any aspect of your life. I use them with my coaching clients and now, I’ve found the magic of applying them to myself as I weed out the worries and cares I have no control over. It’s a lifelong practice, but if I eliminate worrying about the things I can’t control, I should have plenty of time.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EGALITAIRE 7/6/2012 10:14AM

    Wishing other people were different, or did things differently is one of areas that is an unproductive use of my time. From stressing about little things like the garbage person missing when dumping the can and leaving garbage on the street to wanting to reform my kids behaviours.

Wouldn't it be useful to sit down and do a comprehensive inventory of all the things we can't control but try to anyway.



Comment edited on: 7/6/2012 10:15:03 AM

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LYNMEINDERS 7/2/2012 5:37AM

    Calling the control tower....
ready to start making changes....thankyou

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NOMORESTALLING 7/2/2012 12:06AM

    The empowerment is ours!

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SUPERACHIEVER 7/1/2012 5:50PM

    Very encouraging words and you nailed it. We all have to keep doing a self-perspective on ourselves so we can keep ourselves in check. I'm glad you brought it out here for all of us to share.

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LIVINGFREE19 6/30/2012 3:51PM

    I love these situations when you have to 'come clean'.
We should always do a 'checkup' from time to time to keep things headed in the right direction! LOL!

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BOBBIENORTHERN1 6/30/2012 3:40PM

  This is life and the only thing that we can control is ourself.

So, I will myself to be filled with joy and smiles and laughter and happiness for being me and strong and healthy and a good sound mind.

It makes such a difference not to lose control over one's emotions.

Just roll with the punches and stay strong and smile and laugh and enjoy what we do have which is a whole lot more than many people I can think of.

Life is so much fun and a huge adventure of figuring out ways to get around the obstacles that one thinks he does not have control over, just rest and relax in the love of Jesus and His grace.

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NASFKAB 6/29/2012 8:45AM

  great thanks

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ZURDTA- 6/29/2012 7:21AM

    emoticon

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WORKINGSTIFF 6/28/2012 8:29PM

    And add this: we spend time on that which is important to us. Be it watching TV, eating too much, playing with the grandkids, or complaining.

Our actions tell us what we value and tell others what we value.

Food for thought...how tasty!

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VONBLACKBIRD 6/28/2012 6:51PM

    We too are in that heat wave and expect it to remain this way for the rest of the summer and it is so much earlier this year..It makes us all crabby..but I'm taking heed and realize I can't change it and that I can change the way I act and feel...so I'm choosing to be happy no matter what...even if I have to go out and sit under the sprinkler..I will enjoy life!!!

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DEARTOMYHEART 6/28/2012 4:13PM

  Each day is such a beautiful gift. Why is it so hard for us to let go of worry and things we have no control over. John, I hope the rest of the week goes better for you. We must remember the blessings. The US is having a heat wave!!!! This to shell pass.. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 6/28/2012 3:37PM

    I have a hefty list of things I wish I could control and the weather is way up there on it but after weeks like I've had lately I am happy just to be in control of my bladder and bowels. LOL. Anything else is just icing on the cake.

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STEADFASTNSEE 6/28/2012 3:16PM

  Number 3 is SO true. According to the Scriptures "Bad associations spoils useful habits" Oh and I did try yesterday's experiment for the 24 hours. I need to KEEP trying! emoticon emoticon

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SILLYHP1953 6/28/2012 2:46PM

    One of the most fun weekends of my life was spent at a bluegrass festival in a camper with two of my girlfriends. After the concerts were over all the musicians sat around their campfires and picked and grinned most of the night. We just walked around the campground and found little parties going on about every 5th or 6th camper.

The Serenity Prayer is one of my favorites, it helps me remember what I can and cannot change. I have it taped up across the top of my computer monitor at work.

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ROSGETSSERIOUS 6/28/2012 1:34PM

    A great reminder that the ONLY person we have any control over is ourselves!!! We make all the decisions and choices about our own life - so can't bit** and whine about the results - and consequences.
You are who you hang with, is one of my favorite life lessons that I have tried to pass on to my son especially during his teen years - thankfully he has always made great choices in this area.
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GIRANIMAL 6/28/2012 1:09PM

    Thanks for this somewhat painful but oh-so-useful reminder. It's hard for control freaks (like me) to come to terms with this!

For most of my life I have spent far too much of my time worrying over things (and especially other people!) that I can't control, and then marvel at how little time I have left for me. I've been working on disassociating myself for some time now, but as we are all too aware, old habits are awfully freakin' hard to break most of the time! emoticon

God grant me the serenity...

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IDEBORAH 6/28/2012 12:58PM

    I'm glad I found you. I am enjoying your blogs. I think you have identified the missing ingredient: honesty. I honestly wish I could control, well everything, but I need to focus on my own life and making healthy choices.
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KLEONIKI 6/28/2012 12:01PM

    This struggle is so common and well known ..
maybe the difference lies in the "beyond the words area"
i know i must not only ACCEPT the uncontrollable
not only define it well and put my frustration into words but also
INVENT new controllable approaches always new ,
always fresh and ready to RESTART.
Running those last 3 miles as if you had just began your race.
Thank you for the motivational and supporting words, dear friend.

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BAMAJAM 6/28/2012 12:01PM

  Heat waves are hitting our country--- but here is a sobering thought!

Our brave troops in the war zones have battled during extreme hardship.

My brave nephew was one of these warriors. He told of HEAT, 130 degrees, with sand blowing everywhere....

John, we can all be thankful to be able to sip a lemonade when it's 105 in the U.S.---- God bless America, and make us grateful for YOUR blessings, Lord.

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SIMPLY-VICKI 6/28/2012 11:52AM

  Isn't it funny how often we complain about things beyond our control?
I try to remember to remember the Golden Rule:
God grant me the strength to accept the things I can not change and the wisdom to know the difference. ( I think the wording is a little different but the meaning is the same) emoticon

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SANDRALEET 6/28/2012 11:38AM

    We think we earned deserve A good life God builds up the devil destroys We only think we control things.

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