Can't help feeling helpless
Thursday, June 28, 2012
I cannot stand feeling powerless, it gives me anxiety not having control. Silly things like going to the grocery store gives me anxiety but having control over the grocery cart helps me cope cause I feel like it somehow protects me- I dunno it's just sketchy.
Unfortunately this need/urgency to control things rolls over into my friendships. Granted I have been known to take pity and befriend some crazy people because I always think that I can "help." When my brother and SIL started planning their wedding over 5 years ago my SIL asked me and one of her friends from high school to be her bridesmaids. I had never met the other bridesmaid, but we became quick friends.
A couple years ago I was changing careers and we became coworkers, unfortunately our friendship started to suffer because it was suddenly brought to my attention that she had serious addiction issues- food, alcohol and sex. I am a firm believer in keeping your personal life completely separate from your work/business life, but the events of the last few weeks have compromised this rule for me and for her. Things have finally come to a point where she has been given an ultimatum to commit to treatment or else she will no longer have a job to come back to. It completely crushes me that I cannot shake sense into her to see that it is just not her career on the line but also her life. I am so angry that nobody took me seriously over two years ago when I asked for help to help her, nobody would step forward to acknowledge that a young woman needed direction, guidance, love and strength of her family and friends.
It saddens me that I feel so helpless, but it also pisses me off that I care more than she does.
My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone who is trying to cope with a loved one suffering from an addiction.