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    WUBBY82   37,488
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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

This blog may be a little bit of a rant, but it's been weighing on my mind lately, so here goes...

I have a Spark 'friend' who has lost an incredible amount of weight in the past few months. I'm happy for her. Really, I am, so it's not jealousy or envy or anything like that. But when she blogs or updates, it's all about her phenomenal success and she seems to throw in little 'digs' at others. She's too determined to cheat. She refuses to miss a workout. She only drinks water. This, that and the other. I'm sure she doesn't mean to come across this way (and maybe it's just me). I'm glad she's uber proud of her accomplishment. She should be.

While, yes, I'm pleased that she's so motivated, I can't help what wonder how she's going to handle it when she has her first setback. When she has her first week with less than her average weight loss. When she doesn't lose at all. When she gains...

Can this be emotionally healthy? Or is she setting herself up for huge disappointment?

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't misinterpret my intentions with this blog. Don't think I'm calling this friend out or trying to make her feel bad. This isn't even really directed at her specifically. It is moreso to those of us who think we have to be perfect in this journey. I'm just wondering, if someone who keeps themselves in this fishbowl, where everything is planned down to the last morsel...when they're freed into the ocean, will they thrive? Will they survive?

I mean, while I'm not pleased that I've binged, I'm glad it happened because I know I can overcome. I don't believe in banning foods. I believe in being responsible and controlling portions. Learn your body. Learn your habits. Trust me, I know all about food triggers, which is why I won't let myself have pizza...yet. Eventually, I will have pizza again. And I will enjoy it responsibly. Listen to yourself. Our bodies, our cravings, our tendencies are all different.

I don't workout every day. My body needs time to adjust, rest and occasionally be rewarded for working its booty off. Some days I just want to sit. I find that when I do, I'm reenergized to workout again. My body needs time to recharge.

I worry that a diet based around pre-packages meals (while delicious), isn't the greatest option. Sodium levels are through the roof on those. My body feels so much better having fresh fruits and veggies with meat that I have prepared. I do drink mainly water, but I love milk. I usually don't drink soda, but I smile huge if I let myself have a Pibb Extra. For real.

I've had my 'gained 5 pounds in one week' moments. Yes, momentS, with an S. I've found myself walking to the fridge and coming back with much more food than I should eat in a 4 day span. I've tweaked my knee and shoulder at different times so I couldn't work out. I've not worked out because it was too hot outside. I've not worked out just because.

I also don't think there's a problem with eating out. There are healthy options on most menus if you look for them. You can make special requests. Automatically box up half your meal as soon as it comes out of the kitchen. Ask for dressing on the side. Skip the appetizer. Have one soda or alcoholic beverage, but have a glass of water and keep re-filling it.

I am not going to let my journey keep me from enjoying time with friends and family. Let's face it: families associate food with love. I'm going to enjoy a slice of cake at that wedding. I'm not going to a restaurant with friends and saying, "Just water for me, please." If I keep saying, "No. No. NO!" pretty soon, it'll be, "Yes. Yes. YES!" and I'm going to weigh 265 again.

Moderation. Acceptance. Perseverance.

Some people may think, "Shelby, you've lost all this weight. It's so easy for you to say this. Blah blah blah. And blah some more."

Truth: Yes, I have lost a decent chunk of me. 46 pounds this year. 20% of my starting weight on 1/2/12.

Truth: Yes, I can run a 5k.

Truth: Yes, I may be ahead of some of you in this journey.

Truth: Yes, I am talking the talk and walking the walk.

BUT!!!!

Truth: I kicked my ass for months. I've cried. I've laughed. I've cheered. I've fallen down more times than I can count. I've relied on my SparkFamily to keep me going.

Truth: My 3.6 mile jogging hikes started out as 1.2 mile walking, huffing, puffing, thinking I couldn't go on and wanting to stop after half of it torturous hikes. (Please know that it took a year for this transition.)

Truth: My 33 minute 5k run started out as a 60+ minute walk.

Truth: I may be further along, but I am no better than you. It was no easier for me than it will be for you.

Truth: You can have this success. You just need to find what works for YOU.

You need to be able to let things roll off your back. One binge can't derail you. Missing a workout shouldn't send your world crashing down. If you're sick, rest. Your sneakers will be waiting patiently for your triumphant return to their cozy insoles, tongues wagging (haha, see what I did there?)

And now you're thinking, 'Shelby, shut up already'. Well, no! LoL. I'm here and I'm here for good. Use me. I don't have all the answers, but I'll be your comic relief, your shoulder to cry on, your text buddy. Hell, I'll even virtually slap that donut out of your hand. Unless it's a maple bar. In that case, I'll just snatch it from you :)

I feel better. Rant over.

End scene.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHUM48 9/26/2012 10:22PM

    I have a friend who has lost weight using the shakes I was so frustrated because I know what happens after. How do you tell them your concerns without coming across feeling you are on some "know it all" kick. I waited for the timing and it happened I was able to share my fears and concerns. Its all better for me now. Thanks for sharing

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TDWANDD2MYK9 7/30/2012 2:12AM

    Gr8! emoticon

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MRS_PALMER 7/25/2012 3:36PM

    This is so inspiring, I am walking a 50 min 5k, I get so impatient cause others are able to run it and I am not. Not only do I have the extra weight to deal with but I also have a degenerative spine which doctors say I should not run, jog or do any other "jarring" activity, your blog reminds me that others start where I am as well. Thank you for that.

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LMH1223 7/23/2012 1:27PM

    I really needed to read this today!! Thank you so much for being so honest! I've had one of those weekends that while I got my workouts in, I still didn't make good food choices and was kinda beating myself up for them. Thank you so much!!

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LIVING_LARGE 7/20/2012 1:25PM

    Wow...I needed your blog today!

Just restarting at my highest weight, I'll be honest that sometimes it feels like those that have been on their journey and are living their successes forget about the struggle and don't take time to say "I understand".

I get jealous and, honestly, discouraged by reading some of the blogs posted here at SparkPeople. I'm happy for everyone that has had wonderful strides in their journey...but want to scream "Help me!! I'm just getting started and can't see the end of the tunnel".

Thank you, thank you, thank you...

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WILSON1926 7/14/2012 6:10AM

    What a GREAT blog. Thank you so much for putting perspective on it all.
Good Luck
Michael

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NEECER3 7/11/2012 11:04PM

    What an awesome blog- thank you!

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DEBK0923 7/10/2012 1:08PM

    loved the jokes, great blog

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STENOCARTREPORT 7/9/2012 4:25PM

    I actually loved this blog.

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EFFRAYECHILDE 7/4/2012 12:22PM

    Great blog. Loved the jokes at the end with the donuts and personification of the sneakers.

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HOLLYFREEPOPE 7/3/2012 7:50PM

    Thanks for reminding us that even though we aren't perfect, we can still be successful.

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BARBARASCH 7/3/2012 5:37PM

    well said. What a great blog. I think it is all about acceptance and know my triggers. I cannot avoid them forever, so I have to learn to live with it.
A junkie can come clean and go on living without drugs/alcohol/pills.. whatever. I cannot live with my "drug". I need food to survive, so I have to learn to control it and not let it control me. It is a lifelong journey, I guess.. no hopping of the wagon for good ;)

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RUNNER12COM 7/3/2012 12:01PM

    An excellent blog and I totally get the spirit in which it is intended. Love it!

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THE_NEW_MELISSA 7/3/2012 10:38AM

    I know whom you're referring to and I could not have written this blog any better. I've sat and thought it every time I've read her posts and blogs. I just keep thinking what happens the first week you don't lose three pounds. What then? What happens when the sodium in the meals catches up and starts to derail you? I think you have to be realistic and there has to be some give and take. I'm very proud of her success but it isn't usual and my money's on the fact that it won't last. Sad but true unfortunately. There will be uphills and downhills.

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RABBITART 7/3/2012 1:27AM

    Thanks! Great post well said!

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SHIRE33 7/2/2012 11:14PM

    Great point. Points! I've eaten too much twice in the past month for two days in a row, and that means no weight loss. Two days of bad. Two weeks to get back to where I was. So unfair, yet the way of things. But I'm not derailing a year's worth of effort over it either. It's good to read about others going through it. Thanks.

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SHINYZALATA 7/2/2012 11:09PM

    luved it :D

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TISTEN23 7/2/2012 11:34AM

    Well played!!! All so true!!!

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LEFTSOX 7/2/2012 11:20AM

    What a great blog! I am on my third run here on spark trying to lose the weight over the past three years and the number one difference this time???? I can let things go. I had wings and cake yesterday for my hubbies Bday and thats ok because while we normally order THREE DOZEN and just take home what we don't eat we ordered ONE DOZEN and shared. And the cake I made at home with just ONE tub of icing instead of two and while I made the regular and not low fat we did have smaller peices that usual.

While it looks like we had all these extra calories and unhealthy ones at that we actually didn't eat enough yesterday and that upsets me more. We are doing the Insanity Workouts and the diet plan say you eat every three hours to rev the metabolism and it works great but I couldn't do that for a good reason and so I'm letting it go......I will blog later today about the trip yesterday and how much fun it was.

ANYWAY! LOL Me the chatterbox! Thank you for telling more than just me to let it go and welcome each day as part of the journey and not the end of it.

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LUCKYONE60 7/2/2012 11:09AM

    Well said! Thank you.

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FLASUN 7/2/2012 6:55AM

    Not everyone is Perfect & Stays True to their ways of eating.....there will be a day of slipping and hoping your SP friend can handle that. It's nice they are doing so well but not so nice to keep bragging about how well they are doing....I've never feel great about the way I had lost my weight .........having a feeding tube for 6 mths because of radiation burning out my throat......but now I'm good and want to continue to live the healthy lifestyle....even eating my pizza when I want....control!!! emoticon emoticon

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CSNOW71 7/2/2012 6:23AM

    emoticon

Well said...get's a person to thinking!
I passed up pizza at a friend's house over the weekend...soooooooooo tempting but I know that is a huge weakness for me and I'm no where near my goal.
Keep doing what you're doing! You're motivating more people than you realize.

emoticon

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ADVENTURE-GIRL 7/2/2012 12:59AM

    Great blog. You have to allow for mistakes and setbacks, that's just part of life.

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MOMSFIVE1028 7/1/2012 10:31PM

    Very good points to ponder.

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2BDYNAMIC 7/1/2012 9:24PM

    Shelby,
This reminds me of a 'person' I work with.
She was not a SP but did a 'program' and lost weight fast--really fast .......
She as well "reported her success" and made digs (prior to my wt. loss) such as: "Do you know carrying around extra weight is like carrying a knap-sack on your back?" .... (w/ disapproving look) ...... (so fun)
I think the main thing to remember is: Each has their own personal journey and no one can compare to another ...nor should they.....
If I may add ....... my wonderful hubby and best friend often says to me: "You just run your own race with your head held high and keep it fun." ....... emoticon ..... Yippee!! :)

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MELROSE13 7/1/2012 9:06PM

    emoticon

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GAELA-I-CAN 7/1/2012 7:57PM

    Your blog really hit the nail on the head. It was beautiful. We all struggle and we can all overcome with help from our friends . Like your girlfriend ----she doesn't even know how much she will need you YET. emoticon

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SIMPLY-VICKI 7/1/2012 5:24PM

  You're making good strides and have the right to be proud. I hope when your friend does have a slide, and we all do at times, I know you'll be there to help pick her up and keep going.

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PAMATX 7/1/2012 4:47PM

    Great blog!

emoticon

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YEAHROI 7/1/2012 11:28AM

    Awesome post! I've been there quite a bit. I'm finally getting back on track after a few months of complacency, and I'm in a better mental place for having struggled. It's not about perfection. It's just about making more good decisions than bad ones. It's about knowing which battles to fight. Good on you. :)

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SARS613 7/1/2012 11:22AM

    I have an IRL friend who is very much like your Spark friend. For a long time, I've let her insecurities and obsessions affect my recovery because I was worried about how she'd react. It wasn't until I stopped worrying that my own journey was able to really begin. It's amazing how other people can affect us without even realizing it.

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NEWTINK 7/1/2012 11:01AM

    I had no choice but to myself in a fishbowl for a while... it wasnt easy but it was necessary and now I can tip toe out onto the sand of the ocean but it is always on my mind. You made some great points with this blog and I hope everyone gets it like I did.

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THISISGREAT2 7/1/2012 9:35AM

  Thank you!! Can I add you as a friend, and feel free to add me if you like!! Just beginning and making a lot of mistakes ,blunders and fall backs but am also making much progress! Thanks again for helping me see them!

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GRACED777 7/1/2012 9:07AM

    I'm learning this way of living now. This is the first time I am giving myself room to deviate, and it makes all the difference. Life keeps coming in the way with things that I need to learn to handle or I will fail again! So, flexibility is taking a much bigger place in my life. Rigidity breaks me, while with flexibility I will bend.

Just had an example of that Friday. Went to lunch at a buffet I love, but haven't gone to on purpose for 6 months. There a r e good choices there. I didn't know that before. I actually came out full, not stuffed!

emoticon

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KATYDID412 7/1/2012 8:56AM

    thanks for this.

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TIGRKITTN 7/1/2012 2:34AM

    Brilliant rant. As someone who's toward the beginning of her journey and feeling a lot of the frustrations you mentioned, emoticon

emoticon

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HANDYV 7/1/2012 12:56AM

    emoticon

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NELLBELLA26 7/1/2012 12:02AM

    very honest blog. I agree that when you make a lifestyle change, it includes those things that make you happy but aren't always the healthiest option like the occassional soda... but it's all in moderation. We don't have to go from one extreme to another because IT DOESN'T WORK. She will learn on her own. Just be supportive and happy for her and what a great motivator she has in you as well.

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ALLYTHEATHLETE 6/30/2012 10:28PM

    I have a Sparkfriend like that, and she's also your friend, so I have a feeling I know who you're talking about and I've had the same thoughts about her success. What's she going to do when she plateaus? Is she driving so hard she's going to have a massive relapse?

Maybe she'll keep trucking along the way she has been. Maybe she is having missteps along the way and feels like she can't share them. Who knows. In the meantime, if she falters, her (massive) Sparkfamily will be here to remind her that the occasional detour is part of the journey.

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THEATH1 6/30/2012 10:21PM

    Nice blog

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QUARKY 6/30/2012 9:40PM

    I think some people just have that personality, and they are like that regardless of what they are talking about, be it weight, work or religion. I find if they do anything wrong they somehow find a way of describing (or avoiding!) it which makes them look right.

Personally, I find such a rigid way of thinking boring so I don't pay attention to such people. Besides, I believe it's healthier to over-indulge in fattening foods sometimes - it keeps your metabolism on its toes and stops it slowing down, so I deliberately schedule binge days! emoticon

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KEIPONY 6/30/2012 8:55PM

    I'm glad you ranted......blogs like this is what I need to hear and read to keep motivated when I make a mistake or don't meet my goals.

Thanks emoticon

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JUSTDOIT011 6/30/2012 8:04PM

    I completely agree! I see people's Sparkpages that have this strict, down to the calorie/fitness minute plan, and I just think they need to loosen up! I tried being strict-- didn't work....I lost 9 pounds then gained 27 pounds back! This time I've lost 43 pounds so far, and I ate a cookie today! *gasp* And I had pizza for lunch *gasp* and I drink stuff BESIDES water, everyday! Like skim milk *gasp*....I live in the ocean, so I might as well learn how to lose weight in the ocean, not in a little tiny fishbowl. You couldn't have said it better, I hope the people that need to see this blog will see it! emoticon

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SHELLIECAN 6/30/2012 8:01PM

    Sounds like you are human to me !!!
Yes we all make mistakes..its how you deal with them thats important, isn`t it ? Probably your friend makes her mistakes behind closed doors, which is sad, because this journey is about sharing..
Great blog.
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LUCINDARW 6/30/2012 7:52PM

    Thanks for sharing!

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ANANDA82 6/30/2012 7:33PM

    I completely agree with you and could not express with better words. So real, so true. I'll definitely use you. Thank you for sharing! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MILFORD 6/30/2012 7:09PM

    This made me cry tonight. Thank you so much for sharing.

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PRAYINGSUZIE 6/30/2012 6:23PM

    emoticon blog. Thank you!

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ROSGETSSERIOUS 6/30/2012 5:58PM

    Love this blog - I feel like you are reflecting my thoughts exactly - 'progression not perfection' is my motto - thanks for sharing!!!
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SANDYLH1 6/30/2012 4:12PM

  emoticon

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