Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I dipped below 140 this morning! 138.2... and whether or not this measurement was fully representative (to be explained below) does not matter. I took the rest of my measurements and entered them in here, at least as a reminder that I can be here... so over the next week or two I plan to fluctuate around, more than likely above, this weight... but I plan to dip further... my current goal is 135, just 3.2 pounds away... I've got this!
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. We'd only been together for 5 months. We fell fast and although he thought everything was fabulous, I had something nagging in me... I am absolutely regretting my decision, or at least the way I went about it. My emotional state has been rather unstable almost this entire time and it feels like it is getting worse (my Dad passed away 2 months ago and, to say the least, it's hard). My friends, family, and him all saw me struggling to be happy, in conflict with myself. My friends and family, and myself to a great extent, saw his place in my life as creating more unnecessary unhappiness... or a bipolar happiness... it was great, it was awful. Last Friday I started feeling really low, spent Saturday night with him and kept thinking... and I took it out on him yesterday by cutting him off without giving him an explanation or even talking... He was blindsided and so gracious... We did talk last night on skype for nearly two hours... I don't know if he wants to get back with me, I think I want back with him... We're going to talk on Thursday so I guess we both have a day to think. Knowing that I should probably find a grief counselor or someone who can professionally help me, in my process of healing, is it better to be with him... or do I want to be on my own? It's not fair to him either if I'm not consistent nor happy.
Time to take deep breath and get into my day...
Happy Wednesday sparkfriends!