The Diet Gorilla
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
I once heard about a concept called a diet gorilla. I think it came from the word guerilla, but either the person changed it to be funny or didn't know that was the original. Either one works, but somehow, having a real gorilla (or someone in a really good gorilla suit) following me around to ensure I stick to my diet sounds like it could be really helpful.
Picture this... You're working at your desk, and get kind of stuck. You know what you need. Just a little snack. So you get up and head to the vending machines. The gorilla follows you, gets in your way, and hands you some carrots and hummus instead.
I need that kind of help. My children went for donuts today. Not only did I buy one for myself, but I ate TWO. Where was my gorilla when I needed him? He could have steered me away, and handed me my water bottle with fresh crushed ice and 22 oz. of tasty clear water. Later, when working on a dumb little project at home, I ran out of time, and cooked DiGiorno pizza for the kids. I ate more than they did. My diet gorilla could have taken my plate from me and thrown it on the floor. Not that I want to clean up a mess, but that is how I picture my diet gorilla behaving.
I've read so many books on dieting, believe most of them, and find myself at my heaviest once again. I eat for every reason in the book(s): boredom, procrastination, frustration, loneliness, fatigue, etc. etc. Now we can add habit to the list.
I'd like my diet gorilla to get my kids out of bed for me so I can go for a run in the mornings. He could wake me up, fix me a protein shake and shove me out the door with my MP3 player in hand. When I got back, my kids would all be ready for breakfast, which I wouldn't mind fixing, but the hardest job of getting them moving in the morning would be taken care of, giving me time for that run. Ooh. And my diet gorilla could map out a good run for me that suits my current abilities.
The more I think about it, the more I like the idea. If anyone knows where I could go to hire a diet gorilla, please let me know. And also keep in mind that I can't afford the like of Jillian from TBL.