Tuesday, June 26, 2012
My life is overwhelming. I thought it was rough before, but now it's the worst. My honey and I are arguing and discussing what we really want anymore. It doesn't seem like we want the same thing. We've been married 25 years, dated for over 30 years, and now that we are "empty nesters", we have troubles? Who would have known? Not me! It could just be the stress of son trying to "find himself", dad in limbo between skilled nursing care and assisted living, mom in nursing home with MS, husband not feeling good and not wanting to do anything with me anymore. I want to work out and eat clean. He wants to sit on the couch and have a drink every night. He now has high blood pressure, gained a few pounds around the belly and is tired all the time. Hello!?!?! You need to exercise with me. It will make you feel better. It's not what he eats that makes him gain weight either. It's the alcohol and sugar. If he'd just quit or cut back, the belly would just fall off him. (It kind of appeared out of nowhere. He's always been "thin". Maybe it's the upper 40 thing. Anyway, it's happened.)
I keep telling myself to let it all go. Stop worrying about everyone else. They are all adults and can make their own decisions. I have always tried to help everyone else and put them first. Right now all I want to do is run away. Run like Forrest Gump. Run long and far and don't look back.
I'll get through this. Life will turn around -- one way or the other. All the other stuff going on my life I can deal with, but when my honey and I are having troubles, it scares me. We always do everything together. We appear to everyone else to have the "perfect" marriage. If we start drifting apart, I don't know what I'll do. He has been my rock through all of life's trials and tribulations. I need him. I love him. I told him that this morning, but he didn't say much. He's not talking to me. At least I let him know how I feel. I'm worried about his health and us not living out our "good years" together. I need to stop thinking so hard.
Life is just that...life. Ups and downs. Good and bad. It's just down and bad right now. I'm hoping he comes around and sees how much I love him. All the other "stuff" will just have to take care of itself. I'm not going to worry about anything else but my marriage right now. It's top priority. Well, that and my workouts. They are what keep me sane!!!