Monday, June 25, 2012
I know the title of this blog is terrifying you all right now.
Saturday's workout was awesome. We hit a few snags because the woman he trained just before me couldn't figure out how to use something and he needed to try to help her. Normally this doesn't bother me.
She took up half an hour. He had given me instructions, so I had things to do but he wasn't there. There longer he wasn't there, the more annoyed I got.
Then something happened.
There's an older lady at the gym who's there at the same time as I am a lot. I don't know her name. We've spoken. She's always been nice to me. She tells me how great I'm doing. But Saturday she walked by and we had the following exchange while I worked out sans Yoda.
Older Lady: "Are you okay?"
Me: "Yes, why?"
Older Lady: "You look like you've gained some weight."
OUCH. Seriously. I gained a few pounds, but nothing that's really that noticeable.
So I got more annoyed.
Then Yoda finally got free from the other lady and put me through the hardest workout I've done with him. I was doing chest presses with 20 pound dumbbells and some weird thing for my lats that made me accidentally hit myself in the back of the head with a 20 pound dumbbell.
He also made me do pull-ups. I hate them more than I hate jumping on the box.
I worked hard. I gave it my all. Yoda and I were fine then.
And then we were done. I was tired and had no energy left anyway. He went to get my clipboard and told me that he'd meet me upstairs.
I waited there for about ten minutes.
I remembered what the Older Lady had said. I kept dwelling on it. I was suddenly upset that Yoda wasn't there to tell me what to do this week. I went downstairs. There he was, talking with a bunch of employees.
He claimed that he thought he'd told me to meet him downstairs. I know that wasn't true because I'd have just stayed down there. One thing led to another and I was upset. I turned my back on him and left. I texted him when I got to my car and said that I'd had enough and that I quit. I said a lot of things.
He texted back. He said a lot of things. They were also true.
But both of us were kind of harsh.
Then he said that since he was unable to help me, he'd find one of the other trainers to take his place.
I was sad.
I was upset.
I knew that I was overreacting and that I'd been overly dramatic.
I thought about what things would be like with another trainer.
"No." I texted.
Then I quickly sent another.
I told him that I didn't want to train with anyone but him. I said I was sorry and that I was just upset. I said that everything I had said was true, but that I'd said it in anger.
He said that he was tired of me quitting when I got upset or frustrated.
I agreed that it was frustrating, said that it was also frustrating when I didn't get trained by him for my hour-long training session, and that I was feeling lost when it came to my workouts when I wasn't with him and that I felt like I was just faking my way through them sometimes because I wasn't quite sure what I should be doing.
He said that he agreed and that he was sorry and he said that he'd map out my workouts in a way that was easier for me to understand.
Then he asked if I would forgive him.
I didn't even hesitate.
"...of course I forgive you. You're my Yoda. Lol. You've put up with more crap from me than pretty much anyone else."
I also promised him that no matter what, I'll never threaten to quit again.
And then he told me that he agreed that it sucked that he wasn't there for my whole training session and that he wasn't going to charge me for it.
I told him that it wasn't necessary to do that. I really do understand when someone else needs his help. I mean, he's given me tons of help when I wasn't in a training session. He has even given me free sessions when I couldn't pay for them.
He insisted though.
So we're back together. I saw him for a minute today and we talked. I think that things will be off for a little bit. We both feel bad and we both feel hurt.
That's the hard thing about becoming friends with your trainer. Sometimes the line is faint between friendship and a professional relationship.
It doesn't matter, though. I've grown to really trust Yoda. I actually listen to him and I hate disappointing him, so it's easier for me to make better decisions. Also, I feel more guilty about the bad decisions because I know that he'll still believe in me even though I messed up.
He still doesn't know about that lady and what she said to me, though. Actually, only you all know. It hurts too much to say it out loud, even though I know what she said was crap. I can't believe I let it get to me, and I REALLY can't believe that I allowed it to be an excuse to talk to Yoda like I did.
So this week I will be PERFECT. I will show him that I mean it when I say that I will do whatever he says as my trainer.
It felt weird, though. It really felt like a break up. I was every bit as upset when he mentioned another trainer as I've been in the past when guys have told me that I'd find another guy.
Maybe I have grown too dependant on him.
I'm working on it though. One step at a time.