Friday, June 22, 2012
I went for a walk in the park this afternoon (and it was hot as you-know-what by the way). Walking is not only a great exercise, but also a good time to think and reflect. And so I did today. I walked about one and a half miles very slowly but determined. As I lumbered along, I thought about how 20 years ago I would have covered the same distance in half the time. I had no knee issues then and barely broke a sweat. I couldn't help but think 'where did I lose myself.' How had I become over 100 pounds heavier. I don't know how it happened, just a steady gaining of pounds year after year it seems. When I returned home, I couldn't help pulling out some old photo albums (big mistake probably). But there I was, this wide-eyed and thin high school girl full of life and energy and innocence. Where did I lose myself was all I could think about. I bemused that maybe a picture of my former self should be on a milk carton with the caption: "Have you seen this woman?" So I managed a little chuckle through the sadness.
Okay, so I allowed myself those few moments of sadness, but I am a practical gal who is not disconnected from reality (most days). All living things age. Even the trees and flowers I walked by in the park grow from day to day and year to year. It's the process of life. So though I don't expect to look like a 20-year old again, I would like to have some of that stamina and energy. I used to play sports like softball, tennis, basketball and bowling. But I have given up all those things due to my obesity. And I am obese because I have given up all those things. Catch-22, yes, but nonetheless, the answer to where did I lose myself is: 'Nowhere'. I've just grown, literally and figuratively and now I'm striving to be the best me I can be. Even if she is not the perky girl of 20, she is still pretty darn special.