Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Today I got into the water for the first time this year. I had to - it was 95+. I expected the weather, so DH and I planned on making swimming our exercise. We don't exercise together as often as we used to, but we still try. The actual swim (15 minutes worth of the crawl) was smooth. It went better than I expected. I was apprehensive - just like I was the first time I got back on the bike for the first time this season, but just like my bike once I got out there I remembered how much I enjoy the swim too. Now, if I can just stop floundering in my eating habits!! That "swim" is not so smooth. Quite frequently lately a "lifeguard" would be helpful to have around. The strength that I consistently held in balance over the last 3 years has diminished. I am weaker! I am easily swayed and I am struggling to catch my breath. As a former lifeguard I know that people who are scared and fear drowning often freak out and are not able to regroup to save themselves. The lifeguards swoop in having to start at their feet and work their way up to have control of the "victim" - often times the strength and power from fear can cause injury and pain to the rescuer. I think I am in need of a lifeguard! But I don't want to be out of control - I don't want my fear of failure or success to cause pain to the ones around me (my lifeguards). I already know that when I am nervous, or scared or angry or disappointed I can get snippy and respond less than optimally. That's where I am right now - fearing my lapse could continue on the downward slope. I guess I feel like I have put on some leg weights and still expect myself to swim as smoothly as I do without them. I put them on - not anyone else! So in an attempt to be my own lifeguard I have to figure out why I put the leg weights on and how to take them off. Then I think I can stop flailing and start swimming again. Sink or swim?? I choose swim. But I am not perfect, I am sure there will still be some floundering as I try to take off the weights while I'm in the water. I will still be trying to find a way to calm myself down and remove the fear (or at least recognize it). So, I cannot be my only lifeguard - I need the help of my friends and family - my lifeguards. Arm floaties anyone??? SIDE NOTE. Guess only a few of you were getting my "sink or swim" anology to food. Swimming went fine yesterday and today. Better than I expected. BUT FOOD is where I am floundering *grin*. Any which way thank you for all your support. I'll take it.