The Picture

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Have you ever looked at a picture and wished you were that person? I had one of those moment tonight, but it was a very odd sort of feeling that welled up inside me because the person in the picture was...myself...The picture on my front page that says current was me back when I weighed my lightest at 220 pounds. This picture was literally taken before my life took a nose dive and I packed all the weight back on again.

I keep looking into her eyes and telling myself I want to be her only to say, but you ARE her. You can be here again. But how? How can I be this beautiful woman who you notice her deep blue eyes instead of her double chin and chubby cheeks? It is so hard for me to realize I won't be that person again until I make the decisions to change my life and do better for myself. AUGH! It is so hard to wait for something like that! It's so hard to look in the mirror and realize below the fat is the woman you have always wanted to be.

I keep realizing that if I really want it, I CAN change the physical me. I can be the woman running down the sidewalk that turns heads. I can be the girl who gets hit on. I can be the girl who goes and does physical activities and doesn't worry about if she can do them. I can be a different person all together!!! It is so inspiring to think that and yet it seems so far away. I think I need to print this picture off and put it somewhere to remind myself that she does still exist deep inside.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I feel your pain...totally.

    Going back to the Sparkpeople convention in 2009 I was at my lowest weight ever as an adult; 255. I felt great and was loving life. I was growing stronger and more daring. I decide to move forward and try some endurance events; biking and running. That's when things started to come back. I started gaining slowly because I'd be off biking for hours or running miles burning MOST of it off. I kept justifying it because I needed the calories to keep going, but that was a big excuse. By the time I ran a marathon last spring I was around 285 pounds. Then my life changed drastically as did my weight. I decided to leave my wife and start a new life. Living with family for awhile, finally in my own place (my house that I'm trying to sell), stress and everything, coupled with a running injury has me really packing the weight on. The injury is mostly better, but the scale is another thing. I need to find the motivation to get back on track and start working towards a new future. I hope that your new "start" can give you the same.
    1988 days ago
    Thanks for sharing
    2006 days ago
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