Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Have you ever looked at a picture and wished you were that person? I had one of those moment tonight, but it was a very odd sort of feeling that welled up inside me because the person in the picture was...myself...The picture on my front page that says current was me back when I weighed my lightest at 220 pounds. This picture was literally taken before my life took a nose dive and I packed all the weight back on again.
I keep looking into her eyes and telling myself I want to be her only to say, but you ARE her. You can be here again. But how? How can I be this beautiful woman who you notice her deep blue eyes instead of her double chin and chubby cheeks? It is so hard for me to realize I won't be that person again until I make the decisions to change my life and do better for myself. AUGH! It is so hard to wait for something like that! It's so hard to look in the mirror and realize below the fat is the woman you have always wanted to be.
I keep realizing that if I really want it, I CAN change the physical me. I can be the woman running down the sidewalk that turns heads. I can be the girl who gets hit on. I can be the girl who goes and does physical activities and doesn't worry about if she can do them. I can be a different person all together!!! It is so inspiring to think that and yet it seems so far away. I think I need to print this picture off and put it somewhere to remind myself that she does still exist deep inside.