Wednesday, June 20, 2012
I feel lost in the woods, searching for the path back to health and happiness but can't seem to find the trail. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that I see the trail ahead, but it looks scary...lots of twists and turns, I'm not sure I can navigate parts of it. What if I fall (again)? And what if it leads someplace I didn't intend?
Truth is, I'm scared of the lack of support I sometimes encounter at home. One obstacle is meals. It's a lot of work prepare different meals for myself and my family. Plus it doesn't jive with my sense of how things should be...we should all be eating healthier. I want my kids to develop a taste for things that are good for them, not quick convenience foods. But if I a) prepare one healthy meal for everyone, more often than not the hubs complains (kids, too, but I can deal with them...it's called "this is what's for dinner") or if I b) prepare a healthy meal for myself, feed the kids easy stuff (grilled cheese, frozen nuggets, etc.), and let the hubs fend for himself I don't feel good about that either. I would rather have the effort and time involved in preparing a healthy meal benefit more of my family than just me.
The other obstacle is fitness. I love to exercise, love going to the gym. Lately life has been a little crazy and I have not made it to the gym as consistently as I would like, but typically I have no trouble getting a good workout in 5 days/week. But there is little support from the hubs for this. Not only does he turn down suggestions that we go to the gym together so that he can get some use out of his membership, but I get criticized for putting my workouts before housework. A few years ago I really enjoyed training for races - half marathons, as well as a marathon and triathlon - as a way to keep me excited about my healthy lifestyle and on-track. But all I heard was how much money races cost and complaints when I got up early to swim before work as his sleep was disturbed since he is a light sleeper.
So this time around, as I struggle to define the trail I need to follow, I am left wondering if there is a way for me to do things differently that will appease the hubs. If I go back to what worked for me before I already know the criticisms I will deal with, that he will be generally unhappy with me and my focus on my health and fitness goals...because this he considers selfish. What do you do when someone who holds such a central role in your life says they support you in your quest to lose weight and lead a healthy lifestyle, but really wants you to find a way to do it that doesn't inconvenience them in any way???