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Conditional support

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I feel lost in the woods, searching for the path back to health and happiness but can't seem to find the trail. Or maybe it would be more accurate to say that I see the trail ahead, but it looks scary...lots of twists and turns, I'm not sure I can navigate parts of it. What if I fall (again)? And what if it leads someplace I didn't intend?

Truth is, I'm scared of the lack of support I sometimes encounter at home. One obstacle is meals. It's a lot of work prepare different meals for myself and my family. Plus it doesn't jive with my sense of how things should be...we should all be eating healthier. I want my kids to develop a taste for things that are good for them, not quick convenience foods. But if I a) prepare one healthy meal for everyone, more often than not the hubs complains (kids, too, but I can deal with's called "this is what's for dinner") or if I b) prepare a healthy meal for myself, feed the kids easy stuff (grilled cheese, frozen nuggets, etc.), and let the hubs fend for himself I don't feel good about that either. I would rather have the effort and time involved in preparing a healthy meal benefit more of my family than just me.

The other obstacle is fitness. I love to exercise, love going to the gym. Lately life has been a little crazy and I have not made it to the gym as consistently as I would like, but typically I have no trouble getting a good workout in 5 days/week. But there is little support from the hubs for this. Not only does he turn down suggestions that we go to the gym together so that he can get some use out of his membership, but I get criticized for putting my workouts before housework. A few years ago I really enjoyed training for races - half marathons, as well as a marathon and triathlon - as a way to keep me excited about my healthy lifestyle and on-track. But all I heard was how much money races cost and complaints when I got up early to swim before work as his sleep was disturbed since he is a light sleeper.

So this time around, as I struggle to define the trail I need to follow, I am left wondering if there is a way for me to do things differently that will appease the hubs. If I go back to what worked for me before I already know the criticisms I will deal with, that he will be generally unhappy with me and my focus on my health and fitness goals...because this he considers selfish. What do you do when someone who holds such a central role in your life says they support you in your quest to lose weight and lead a healthy lifestyle, but really wants you to find a way to do it that doesn't inconvenience them in any way???
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    sometimes you have to be selfish and being healthy is the right kind of selfish. Have you tried different options with hubs and kids helping to pick what's for dinner? Do you normally plan in advance? We went to the library today, pulled 3 issues of cooking light and sat down with kids to give me ideas on what they'd like this week, then ran to grocery store to buy the few things we needed and we're all pretty excited about the weekly menu.... not sure what can help but I'm hoping things work out for you and your family.
    1894 days ago
    First and foremost, I am sorry you are feeling this way. Secondly, it is not selfish to be healthy. Not only does it help you know but consider it an investment for the future. Transitioning kids into a healthier lifestyle is tough. I'm going through that too. Luckily, she is starting to catch on. I've had to say no more times than I care to and it breaks my heart that I have to do so but I feel okay with it because I'm doing the best thing I possibly could for my daughter. One another note, your husband. It baffles me. I'm not even sure what to say. If going to the gym is too much for you right now invest in a couple DVD's and workout at home. It's been helping me a lot right now. As far as your husband being a light sleeper and the house isn't being cleaned... he will eventually get over it.
    1947 days ago
    Your husband is being ridiculous!
    Seriously, tring to eat healthy is SELFISH!?!?
    Wanting to be healthy is a selfish desire??? UM, your doctor wouldn't think so! Neither would your kids if you were suffering from chronic illnesses due to a poor diet and lack of exercise!!!

    I think that HIS attitude is selfish... as he expects you to dote on his unhealthy desires. Isn't being a FAMILY a team effort? Then I think you need to st down as a family, and come up with a weekly meal plan that suits everyone... And if burgers and fries are on the menu, you can always opt to make turkey burgers and yam fries.
    Small steps, small steps!
    1948 days ago
  • DISP715
    Oh Honey. Selfish is GOOD. Selfish makes you better. If you don't mind a suggestion, please read Debbie Ford's book "Courage". It is about finding that "inner warrior women". The one that will let you have the best life ever. For meals, make healthy options, like salad, and your family can choose to eat it or not. Believe me, after a while, they will also choose the healthy stuff. My 16 year old son asked for veggie burgers and brussel sprouts for his birthday dinner! You can do this. The hardest part is believing you are worthy. HUGS!
    1948 days ago
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