Monday, June 18, 2012
Sometimes I wonder about myself, I continue to struggle with consistency. I feel like I am back at first grade, I know a little but have not changed enough to reach any big goals. I know that while I'm here in Jax, I am healing and having quiet time to myself.
I really need a new day-as far as my eating & healthy life still goes. I think my plateaus are too long. My body must really be used to not burning calories. Very little happens-I get frustrated and start eating desserts and go up and down like a yo yo. I really want to know what keeps me from being the real me-the me that I deserve to be. I can list all of the reasons why this is not working such as; it has been raining almost everyday, I can't walk when I generally walk and I blame this on slowing down my momentum. But, I do have the walking DVD but I don't get up early enough or I can't push myself to to it in the evening. There is a swimming pool and small work out area where I live, but I have never opened the door even to look in. I have some small weights with me and know how to tone my muscles-but I still don't do them. I want to start doing Messainic dancing again but am too lazy to get dressed and go.I have a bike that I need to take to the bike shop to upgrade. But I have't done it yet.
But there are things that I am starting to do. I did attend an extra sevice this week and stayed to hang out for the knosh, introducing myself to several women.I do read my Bible almost every day. I do love my job, I am saving money for when I decide to retire. I have wonderful health and am asking for faith to belive that God has healed my gall bladder. It was susposed to be removed in March 15, 2011. I have moved to a new town and job after living in the same house for thirty two years. I am paying my rent and the house payment while decreasing other debt. I have decided that I would like to live on a lake when I decide to retire.
It sure seems like I have a lot of Buts. Now the question is how do I motivate myself to overcome the buts,
I think Starr & Dancer my Sun Conjures are preparing the way to have a family.This is exciting because they are such loving birds in additon to being very beautiful. Birds remind me of the fact that I believe I will be flying in heaven.
I have petioned to join Beth Israel a Messanic Synagogue that is very near to where I live. I am making an effort to read one book a week to learn more about the Messanic Movement. I found a CD so that I can learn some of the prayer songs in Hebrew.I feel like I am at home when I am around Jewish people that believe in Messiah.I have great difficulty maintaining friendships. I have wonderful friends that I have had for over twenty years. But making new friends does not come easy for me.It take me a long time to feel part of something.
My son continues to need prayer. He is learning to take care of things for himself. Oh Adonai our Divine Provider Please release him, me and each one of us from the things that keep us in bondage to the one who desires to destroy us.