A Dork, Yoda Is. Chicken, I am.

Monday, June 18, 2012

You know what? This weekend was made of WIN.

Friday I went out with my friend and we had a good time. We went out for dinner and while it wasn't the healthiest dinner, I portioned it so that it really wasn't that bad. On Saturday we went out again, and once again I exercised portion control. I did eat three rolls, but those are the only things I feel guilty about.

Saturday morning (after finally going to sleep at 2am) I woke up at 9 and had just enough time to get to the gym and run my two miles before training. Yoda has this new thing where he makes me run first. If I go early, then I have more time for weight training with him. The whole time I was running, I was in contact with him via text. He was in the gym working out himself. I kept telling him - one more mile, half a mile more, .25 left - and just as I finished, he came over to me.

He was in a hilarious mood. Seriously. He was more fun than normal, and that's saying a lot since I really enjoy him as my trainer. But even though he was fun, he was not nice.

He made me do part of the workout I did last week, and then the tough workout started. He made me do several of the same weights that I've done before HOWEVER, he made me do them in a squatting position AND ONE ON FOOT.

Yeah. You read that right. I was squatting, balancing, and doing weights, all at once. It made me want to cry.

Of course, I didn't cry. Mostly I was trying not to laugh because Yoda was cracking some silly jokes. Plus, I told him that I had blogged about the time he had tried to make "awesomefish" a cool word to use and that some of you had used it in the comments, and he thought that was - well, he thought it was awesomefish.


I can't believe I just said that.

About ten minutes into our weights, you know what came out of Yoda's mouth???

"How come you're all sweaty already?"

My first reaction was to be offended and embarrassed. I mean, I was pretty sweaty. I felt gross. Also, I'm quite certain that I smelled.

Then I mustered up my best glare and informed him that some of us worked out harder than others and that I had just run two miles before being put through his little version of boot camp. And then I said that sweat meant I was working hard.

He laughed. And then he agreed. And then he said that he had just been kidding and that he knew how hard I was working.

And then came the WORST thing he has ever made me do.

It may sound silly, but I am always afraid of falling while I'm working out. Always. I don't trust machines that are supposed to hold my weight. I don't trust my feet when I am running.

You know those little boxes at the gym? Made of metal? That come in different heights?

He tried to make me jump onto the shortest one.

Yeah. JUMP. With both feet landing at the same time.

Flashback to high school. I was thin. I was confidant. I still wouldn't have ever jumped with both feet onto a box. UnFlashback.

I just looked at him. That box had to be ten feet tall.

Yeah, it wasn't. Maybe it was one foot. I don't know. It was the shortest one. I stood in front of it for a bit, contemplating what my headstone would say.

"Here lies Jessica - She sucks at jumping."

"R.I.P. Jessica. What a klutz."

And my personal favorite "Ha! This chick fell while trying to jump onto a tiny little box!"

I psyched myself out. I really couldn't do it. I told Yoda that I have never been able to jump like that.

He said that I still had to do it.

I stood there for a few more seconds, frozen to the spot. I'm sure that I looked like a deer in the headlights - eyes wide with fear but being unable to move.

Then he brought over a step that they use for some of the classes. It was about half as tall as the box. He said I could use it instead.

I tried. I'd bend my knees and then stop just before the jump. Yoda did it two or three times to show me.

Finally he said that we could be there all day but that he wasn't going to let me out of this one. I had to do it.

"What if I fall?" I was almost in tears.

"If you fall, I'll do CPR on you."

Yoda made me laugh and I politely informed him that falling off of a tiny box was not likely to cause me to stop breathing.

He politely informed me that it was possible but that he wouldn't let me die.

I called him a dork. He didn't disagree, but he did say that he also knew first aid.

So I mentally prepared myself. I told myself that Yoda wouldn't let me fall. He knew CPR and First Aid. He wouldn't laugh at me, at least not until he knew that I was okay.

And then I tried to jump.

My feet didn't leave the ground. Also, my body didn't move.

"Jess, just do it." He said in his most scary voice, and I knew that if I didn't do it that he was going to make me do much tougher things.

"I can't do it when you're watching."

He covered his eyes. I tried again. Again, a false start.

"You're peeking. Turn around."

He called me a dork but did as I asked.

I jumped.

It wasn't pretty, but I landed it. He turned around.

"Okay. Now 9 more."

"It took me forever to do one and you think I'm going to do 10?"

"Nope. You're going to do three sets of 10. Now, up."

I did it.

In fact, by the third set I was jumping up, getting my balance, jumping down, and immediately jumping up again."

Proud, Yoda was.

I know that next week he's going to make me jump onto the small box. So you know what? I'm going to practice this week. He's going to be shocked.

Actually, so am I.

Training was over, but I still got to see Yoda again. Saturday night we had an Old-School Nintendo night. We do those every once in awhile and Yoda loves them. We had it at my brother's place since he owns a projector and it's AWESOMEFISH playing games when you can project them as big as the wall. It's like life-size Mario Brothers! I invited Yoda and when he showed up I had just gotten there with a bag of chips and some ice cream.

"You can't eat those." Yoda said.

I wasn't planning on it. I had actually brought them because my friend had left them at my apartment and I didn't want to be tempted so I had brought them for me brother.

Yoda's response?

"Good girl."

Lol....What a dork.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Ewww I'm cringing as I'm reading this blog on your "box jumping" that is one of my alltime fears and goals, to jump just one time onto one of those. Kudos to you for facing your fear and now crushing them with practicing in case you are subjected to doing them again. Nice job!

    2098 days ago
    running and texting at the same time.. that's amazing! some might say your not working hard enough... (just kidding!!!) emoticon I can't even walk and text at the same time. You are real trooper! Good for you and conquering the little box. My fear of the box is also that huge that and climbing the rope.

    Keep up the great work!

    2098 days ago
  • OPTIMIST1948
    I would have been nervous about jumping onto the box too. Good for you!
    2098 days ago
    Yeah, I am with Sexbobomb. Shipping.
    2098 days ago
    Is it wrong that I'm totally "shipping" you and Yoda?
    2099 days ago
    I really needed your awesomefish blog today, I am having a bad afternoon (made a mistake at work that will cause someone to not get their order on time) Thanks for making me smile.

    And I would totally fall off the box to get mouth to mouth from Yoda emoticon (I'm in love, not dead!)
    2099 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    2099 days ago
    I totally agree with you - jumping with two feet up onto a box is the most terrifying yet silly thing in the world. But once you do it, it's cool and you can do it again, but only bc you already know you can.

    Keep practicing. And good job bringing the ice cream and chips over to get rid of them! :)
    2099 days ago
  • SGRAY478
    bI am glad you conquered your fear of the box. Good luck practicing this week. Knock his socks off next training session!!

    And that is awesome that you guys are friends! I felt the same way when my Body Combat instructor (a handsome young guy named Nick) came to my graduation party to say goodbye to me. You really get connected with people when working out with them every week!

    2099 days ago
    This made me laugh and woohoo for working on a fear! :)

    2099 days ago
  • TIBI183
    You are doing great! And you will show Yoda that you can do anything you set your mind to!
    2099 days ago
    my husband has Yoda like tendencies when we work out together!! I will not EVERY share some of the "dorkieness" you mentioned here in your blog or he would be sure to adopt the behaviors!!

    Your very brave to be jumping like that, maybe I will try it. I have been giving our little stand/boxes some evil looks but mabye I could successfully jump, land and jump again! Thanks!
    2099 days ago
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