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Evidence of Changes Made

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Sunday, June 17, 2012

So, wait...something weird is happening. This weekend, we had very old friends (from back before we even had kids) come visit us from Iowa. We were pretty excited to see them and spend time with them. Things were going very well the first night. But things took a strange turn yesterday. And, without going into too much detail, this visit did not end well. To be quite honest, it was sort of an emotional upheaval for me. A pretty awful time. Put it this way...when you think to yourself, "I wish they would just go home", you know some serious stuff has gone down.

They finally drove off and our entire household released their collective breath and peace returned. Of course, sadness remained. It's no exaggeration to say that I'm mourning the loss of an old and dear friendship this afternoon. I hate that this happened, but I've determined not to internalize it and take someone else's dysfunction and make it my own. I've done far too much of it in my life and I'm just done with it.

My good friend, MOM2IAN, has been my texting lifeline this weekend as all of this has gone down. At one point, I said to her, "I don't feel like I should have to apologize but I'm sure I will because that's what nice little Leah always does." She responded, "No...that nice little Leah was 25 pounds ago. New Leah doesn't take any sh&t and she doesn't give false apologies just to please other people and make them feel more comfortable!" (Or something along those lines...probably not those EXACT words...haha).

You know what else New Leah did today that surprises me? New Leah DID cave in and have an ice cream cone...for the sole purpose of comfort. But, it was a small, normal-sized cone that was within the daily calorie limits. New Leah has an insatiable desire to unwind by cleaning the kitchen and then making a delicious, well-rounded, healthy meal for her family, using fresh herbs from the garden.

Who ARE you, New Leah? The Old Leah would sulk, pout, cry, and probably lay around in bed all day. The Old Leah would take the entire weekend onto herself and blame herself for things she didn't do and hold onto that horrible, icky, angry, bitter feeling for years. The New Leah is already letting it slide off of her...because she knows she did nothing wrong. And bitterness will kill the soul and, eventually, the body. New Leah is blogging out her frustrations and then letting them drop.

You know what else? New Leah has really hot legs. She just noticed that this morning after her shower. Perhaps 20 lbs of the 25 lbs lost must have come from her calves alone. LOL.

New Leah realizes that she has SO MANY WONDERFUL and AMAZING friends...and she feels sorry for a person that pushes away one of their only friends in the world instead of asking for help.

New Leah loves herself. And she's determined to make this a great week...and she's praying her dear Spark Lovelies have a great one as well!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you for sharing this blog, it really touched me. You and I are similar. It seems as if we are both changing.
    1979 days ago
    Good for you!!
    1979 days ago
  • CAM2438
    Good for you! It is so great that you had such good support through all of this. emoticon
    1979 days ago
    1979 days ago
    It's amazing how you change in so many ways through this process. Good for you! You should be very proud of yourself.
    1979 days ago
    I'm proud of you!
    I know how it feels to loose a friend, that you cherished over so many years and miles and all of a sudden, it seems like a waste, and the good memories turn bitter-sweet. Heads up! Walk it off. I bet the anger can't keep up with your pace anymore!
    1979 days ago
    Good for you! You handled the situation the best way possible.
    1979 days ago

    Great job for both you and your support net...
    1979 days ago
    WooHoo and emoticon to the hot legged new Leah - sounds like she's here to stay......and we are VERY GLAD!
    1979 days ago
  • TRIPLEL1977
    Good for you. Stand tall, stand proud. I learned a while ago that sometimes you have to let go of the disappointment of your expectations. What you anticipated and what really happened are sometimes so far from each other you are deflated. I am so glad you had MOM2IAN to support you this weekend.

    Go New Leah!
    1979 days ago
    1979 days ago
    Hooray for New Leah and her hot legs!
    1979 days ago
  • BRENDAF761
    Way to go! Now you can see your putting new Leah first! Just be happy and find people that make you happy to spend your time with. Life is to short so live everyday day like it's the best day ever! emoticon
    1979 days ago
  • AATKIN01
    some people are only there for a reason and a season. its good that you decided to move on and not let the drama continue. Yay New Leah!
    1979 days ago
    Good for you! Stick to your guns. Sounds like you are on the right track.
    1979 days ago
    The New Leah is awesome. She has gotten strong and is getting stronger. You did exactly what you should have done and we are all proud of you. Keep Sparking forward.
    1979 days ago
    Good post!
    1979 days ago
    You are awesome! Thanks for sharing.
    1979 days ago
    As I read this, I was thinking about a friendship that ended in a similar fashion a few years ago. At the time, I was dumbfounded at what happened, but I stuck to my guns and refused to apologize for something I didn't do. It's unfortunate, but it happened and I can't undo it. As it worked out, we can now talk, and we enjoy each other's company at work (we work at a seasonal employer during the winter), but we no longer socialize at each other's homes. You did the right thing.
    1979 days ago
  • LYNCHD05
    Not all friendships last forever. It sounds like your whole family agrees with you with what happened so who is more important.......you and your family. Good for you sticking up for your beliefs.
    1979 days ago
    This was a great blog! I can relate to apologizing when you really shouldn't. I am glad that I read this :)
    1979 days ago
    That's so sad about "losing" friends, but people change and not all friendships endure. Sorry for your miserable time... emoticon
    1979 days ago
    1 normal sized ice cream cone versus a week of wallowing in misery. What a victory! Thanks for showing me it can be done! Sending emoticon to both New and Old Leahs.
    1979 days ago
    1979 days ago
  • CICELY360
    You should write a book about your progress.
    1979 days ago
    The old Leah sounds jut like the me I'm trying to get rid of. It is good to know I am not the only one. Thanks!
    1979 days ago
    Leah, it's so weird that you mention loving your legs because I just had that realization, too! I don't get out in the sunshine too often due to work and I was just trying one of those self-tanners. It was in the process of moisturizing my legs (which, frankly, feels like the ultimate in luxury) that I realized that I LOVE MY LEGS. They no longer look like the "unknown blunt objects" of police report fame. And I've got to admit--that gives me a little lift. I hope you can continue to do what will be the most healthful for your whOle body (mind included) and keep this sad episode in its proper place. Let yourself mourn, but you can move on with a clear conscience. Go out and do something good for someone else in honor of the good that used to be in your relationship--and then let it go! Seek out two good things to remember from your past with this person, savor them for the future, and let the rest slide away.
    1979 days ago
    Dear New Leah! Wow! I am so proud of you! This was a real growth weekend for you whether you liked it or not. I am so glad you had your text buddy to help you along the way! Can't wait to see those 20 lb less calves. Did you take a picture? I must check out your photo gallery! Keep up the great work!
    1979 days ago
    Great blog as I can relate to a lot of your comments.
    1979 days ago
    I love this! I can see some of me in it too and it sure does feel wonderful to find out NEW things about ourselves!

    You go girl!
    1979 days ago
    You go girl!! emoticon As I was reading this, I was saying to myself, "this sound just like me", always apologizing for stuff I didn't do, just to smooth things over. Not only that, I have always let people shove all their negativity on me, and let it get me down, but as I told my hubby today, no more of that for me. Those people can take their negativity elsewhere, I don't have room for it! Congrats on the new Leah!! I too have noticed my legs looking smexier than ever, thanx to all the jogging I'm doing on my mini-trampoline. emoticon
    1979 days ago

    Comment edited on: 6/18/2012 5:31:06 PM
    I appreciate your openness and vulnerability to post what you did, Leah. It does encourage me. And to examine the reasons why I eat what and when!! I have lost 30 lbs since July 2011 and am keepin' on! Thank you so much, God Bless you in all your efforts and victories!!
    1979 days ago
    emoticon emoticon Such good advice for a lot of us too.
    1979 days ago
    I love your positivity! Go new Leah!! emoticon
    1979 days ago
  • TILLY601
    Good for you & Congratulations on your weight loss!
    1980 days ago
    YAY YOU! Glad I came across your blog today.

    Thanks for sharing!
    1980 days ago
    It is so hard to lose an old friend, but it is an inevitable part of growing up. Hopefully, these old relationships will just fade away rather than end more explosively. You handled it all very well, including giving yourself the right to a reasonable amount of comfort food. After all, it is called comfort food for a reason!

    1980 days ago
    1980 days ago
    Well done you, and here's to New Leah!
    I have found that sometimes friends from the past are not the friends I thought they were.
    I also have learned to let go of some of my past, especially friendships that were turning into concrete weights, and I know that I have become stronger in this process. I am sorry that your old friendship has now gone, but you have had time together with the folk and found out for yourself that this friendship has not stood the test of time. And now you know you can move on.
    It is sad, and it can be difficult to cope with emotionally, but to be really honest with yourself will help you to move on from there, I promise you.

    And you can let yourself relax and be that better person who has come out this side of your weekend in more or less one piece. And definitely you are stronger for coping with this.

    Thank you for sharing. blogging here is a wonderful way to vent one's feelings, and to get support.

    1980 days ago
    1980 days ago
    Good for you!
    1980 days ago
    Growth usually involves effort. It looks like you were up to the task and have come out on the other side of the challenge as a winner.

    1980 days ago
  • JUNEAU2010
    I love this new Leah! She inspires me a lot! I have been mourning the death of a friendship and this blog helps reset my perspective! Thanks, New Leah! You made my day!
    1980 days ago
  • MINKY1111
    new leah..congrats to keeping all our new goals with yu...i can relate to waiting to get back to the changes we know are working..our plans are real and yeild us what we desire.. a new healthy body to walk around in..heheheeee.....sometimes when i am with friends and family that are making unhealthy choices....i find a way to make it work.. sometimes i drag them to a park or beach and trick them into exercising...sometimes i manage to only eat the calories i know are good for me..i have avoided a n icecream sundae party.. a chinese food fest and several pizza extravaganzas... sometimes this involves many many glasses of water and fruit..........hahaha my will is my way ...because i know the decisions i have made wil bring me much happiness... and in truth there are some friends i only visit quickly because i have to keep to my exercise schedule
    1980 days ago
  • NANAGO1204
    Good for you! Maintaining relationships has always been high on my priority list too, so I understand your pain. Sounds like you did the right thing though by standing your ground...the ground you have reclaimed and keeps you balanced. JEANRAY1's comment "Some people are in our life for a reason and some for a season." was also good for me to read... Well...done...I appreciate your positive mind set in this challenge.
    1980 days ago
    Some people are in our life for a reason and some for a season. Oftentimes, we find it confusing when the season tends to be a long one. When I was young the elders would say--you only have one or two friends in a lifetime. And, that I find is soooo true. So if you have more than two 'real friends' you're doing good. Glad the 'new Leah' stood her ground. Keep Sparkin!
    1980 days ago
    Good for you new Leah!!!
    1980 days ago
  • ELLE1277
    I am sorry for the loss of your friendship, even though it may have been toxic to you, I'm sure there was feelings involved. I've also been through this with different ones in my past. Also close family members, tough times. But you... you are a leading example!! With great legs to boot!! emoticon
    1980 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/1/2012 10:08:42 PM
    Sorry this happened to you. I had to stop being friends with a woman because she was a Debbie Downer and I just couldn't take it anymore. If it was a beautiful day and sunny, she would find something wrong.

    Thanks for the good wishes on this week. I hope your week goes good also.
    1980 days ago
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