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    LDRICHEL   48,408
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Evidence of Changes Made

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Sunday, June 17, 2012

So, wait...something weird is happening. This weekend, we had very old friends (from back before we even had kids) come visit us from Iowa. We were pretty excited to see them and spend time with them. Things were going very well the first night. But things took a strange turn yesterday. And, without going into too much detail, this visit did not end well. To be quite honest, it was sort of an emotional upheaval for me. A pretty awful time. Put it this way...when you think to yourself, "I wish they would just go home", you know some serious stuff has gone down.

They finally drove off and our entire household released their collective breath and peace returned. Of course, sadness remained. It's no exaggeration to say that I'm mourning the loss of an old and dear friendship this afternoon. I hate that this happened, but I've determined not to internalize it and take someone else's dysfunction and make it my own. I've done far too much of it in my life and I'm just done with it.

My good friend, MOM2IAN, has been my texting lifeline this weekend as all of this has gone down. At one point, I said to her, "I don't feel like I should have to apologize but I'm sure I will because that's what nice little Leah always does." She responded, "No...that nice little Leah was 25 pounds ago. New Leah doesn't take any sh&t and she doesn't give false apologies just to please other people and make them feel more comfortable!" (Or something along those lines...probably not those EXACT words...haha).

You know what else New Leah did today that surprises me? New Leah DID cave in and have an ice cream cone...for the sole purpose of comfort. But, it was a small, normal-sized cone that was within the daily calorie limits. New Leah has an insatiable desire to unwind by cleaning the kitchen and then making a delicious, well-rounded, healthy meal for her family, using fresh herbs from the garden.

Who ARE you, New Leah? The Old Leah would sulk, pout, cry, and probably lay around in bed all day. The Old Leah would take the entire weekend onto herself and blame herself for things she didn't do and hold onto that horrible, icky, angry, bitter feeling for years. The New Leah is already letting it slide off of her...because she knows she did nothing wrong. And bitterness will kill the soul and, eventually, the body. New Leah is blogging out her frustrations and then letting them drop.

You know what else? New Leah has really hot legs. She just noticed that this morning after her shower. Perhaps 20 lbs of the 25 lbs lost must have come from her calves alone. LOL.

New Leah realizes that she has SO MANY WONDERFUL and AMAZING friends...and she feels sorry for a person that pushes away one of their only friends in the world instead of asking for help.

New Leah loves herself. And she's determined to make this a great week...and she's praying her dear Spark Lovelies have a great one as well!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOANNHUNT 2/14/2013 11:11AM

    I know this is an old BLOG but LADY YOU ROCK ON. You did nothing wrong your company needs to look in the mirror and judge themselves. SORRY emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CHUM48 9/17/2012 12:19PM

    It is truly amazing how when we lose weight, we seem to lose our own bad attitudes and realize how great we are. It amazes me how being fat covers us in not only unhealthy physical living as well as unhealthy mental living. Great victory for you in discovering what a wonderful person you are!

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SPSPSP1 8/31/2012 3:01PM

    So happy for you, but one thing does stick out and it's that you used ice cream as a way of comforting yourself. The justification was that it was "a small cone". I'm all for eating ice cream, but like you I have used food as a way of comforting myself and I know that it's a slippery slope. Still, you have clearly made tremendous strides and it is very inspiring.

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SHARIPAM 7/24/2012 1:52PM

  Life continues, and sometimes friendships don't. New Leah took it all in stride, and I hope she is proud of how far she has come! Kudos, Leah!

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CREECE1 7/16/2012 1:05AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MISSLISA1973 7/15/2012 2:19PM

    Great blog to go with your great legs. I am sorry about the lost friendship, and am proud of you for finding the new you!

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GINIEMIE 7/6/2012 2:15PM

    Good job Leah, and congratulations on the weight loss and the stronger more positive self-image.
Hugs.
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1STICKBLUES 7/5/2012 4:32PM

    I like this New Leah! Didn't meet the old one, but the confidence is contagious! I found myself reading this and nodding, "That's right, no apologies needed!" Good for you, and remember no matter how bittersweet the changes are, it's just growing pains as you grow down to the new you!

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MARYM1962 7/3/2012 10:46AM

  good for you! Do not blame yourself for anyone else's problems - if your friendship has ended because you bettered yourself, then it was not worth saving!

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JWOURMS 7/3/2012 7:13AM

    Change is never easy is it. But sometimes it can just about be worth it. I'm struggling with that one right now. My best friend and I in the midst of a trememdous upheaval that may be irrepairable. But despite the loss there is hope too. Thanks for sharing.

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CAROLIAN 6/28/2012 3:14AM

    emoticon

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TDWANDD2MYK9 6/26/2012 1:22AM

    Great blog. Thank you. emoticon

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WHITEANGEL4 6/25/2012 2:48PM

    The New Leah sounds great. She is a person that has it all together. Enjoy the new you

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KATIE0701 6/25/2012 4:09AM

  New Leah, sounds to me like you've come a long way. I didn't know you as "old Leah" but really that doesn't even sound good. LOLOL

I'm a newbie in spark world! I haven't commented on anything except this blog. I guess it me of "old me" whose still "old me"! :( I'm working on lots of parts of me at the moment so for now, I would like to congratulate you and all other spark people who are changing their lives. I will get there, I'm just taking babysteps.

Rainbows to Everyone

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DEADEND-DREAMER 6/24/2012 3:55PM

    I think many of us can identify with moving on which almost always involves some level of pain. Good for you Leah and thank you for sharing!
Butterfly hugs,
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~Ruby

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4RASCALS 6/23/2012 3:37PM

    Way to go New Leah. You handled the situation great. S o o happy for you and the progress you've made. emoticon

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LKWQUILTER 6/23/2012 7:28AM

    You did GREAT!! Pat yourself on the back for going forward and not backward!!

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BEACHGIRL328 6/22/2012 10:09PM

    Good for New Leah! I too have been making changes in my life and I am beginning to become less willing to be the peacekeeper for the sake of everyone else, I finally am getting the fact that I have to come first for my health and sanity!

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F8CONE8 6/21/2012 2:14PM

    I like New Leah and I have been where you are. I got a phone call from a "friend" that totally ripped my face off. The reason - I was going to have a fun weekend and she had to work" The upshot of this was I cried, raged and ate my way through the rest of the weekend. She came and apologized but our relationship was pretty much different. See, I never trusted her again.

Now that I'm really able to look back I can honestly say I was lucky to be rid of the poison relationship and sorry that it ended that way. I don't blame her or me anymore. What's the point? Over is over. Come to think of it that is how I feel about my ex-husband. LOL emoticon

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DB6864 6/21/2012 11:55AM

  Go Leah!!!

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ROUNDTOWNMOM 6/21/2012 6:59AM

    Welcome home, New Leah! You are doing amazing things!!!!!!! emoticon

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QQUEENB 6/21/2012 5:22AM

  What an excellent way to view a decidedly horrible situation! Good for you!

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TRESA7 6/20/2012 10:06PM

    Hello, New Leah. I hope to become a New Theresa that's a lot like the New Leah, but I'm still in the foundation stage.

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IOWEIT2ME 6/20/2012 4:18PM

    Here's to new Leah! Congrats!!

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CAMAEL100 6/20/2012 2:56PM

    I like the new Leah!! I read somewhere that bitterness is like taking poison and expecting your opponent to die (not meaning your were in a battle, but you know what I mean)

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TRISHMO1 6/20/2012 2:27PM

  an ice cream cone should factor into your healthy lifestyle once in a while if you enjoy that sort of food, just keep within your daily calorie units, as you did congratulations. emoticon

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1DERLAND14 6/20/2012 11:49AM

    Way to go NEW LEAH!! :)

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03BFISCHER 6/20/2012 9:43AM

    emoticon Way to go!! emoticon

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SQUIRRELLYONE 6/20/2012 9:18AM

    Good for you! It's really difficult to overcome those urges (the ones to apologise for others' mistakes AND the ones to eat because you're sad)

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CYNTSATIONAL 6/20/2012 9:06AM

    Congratulations! You deserve a HUGE GROUP HUG for so many reasons! AWESOME!

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DURANGOREDDOG 6/20/2012 2:40AM

    emoticon

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EBONYSOL 6/20/2012 1:59AM

    I like it that you refer to yourself as the NEW LEAH. This new person has had a cognitive shift; you think and react differently to events in your life. Good for you! Just remember that old habits are hard to break. They have a habit of sneaking up on you. So enjoy your new self and when those old habits pop up, you can use your new skill sets to set yourself free.

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SERASARA 6/19/2012 8:35PM

  emoticon

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SUSIESLIM62 6/19/2012 7:39PM

 


Congrats to the new Leah! emoticon

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ROSEBB 6/19/2012 7:32PM

    I'm sure you will be glad you made the choice you did. It is good to know you can now get it "off your chest" in a productive manner. Good for you! emoticon

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THEIS58 6/19/2012 7:16PM

    emoticon

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BEAUTY_WITHIN 6/19/2012 6:08PM

    Way to go! Sounds like you did what was right for you and took care of you aat the same time!

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EMMIELANE 6/19/2012 5:24PM

    New Leah Rocks!! Way to go, girl!

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VALANZA1 6/19/2012 4:36PM

  TOTAL INSPIRATION....
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ANGELALYNN82 6/19/2012 3:53PM

    I once heard that people come into your life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. it is unfortunate when old friends are not who you expect them to be when you see them after a very long time. I have been in the same scenario. We all change. You are becoming the person you want to be. This is a very difficult step.

Way to go for not apologizing for something you didn't do. Too many times we take others' issues and turn them into our own guilt. I do it myself, way too often. Your friend was right on. Congrats to both of you.

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KMSIMMONS1 6/19/2012 3:46PM

  Once I wake up, I have my quiet time until I'm awake enough to trot out the door - works out quite well doesn't it?

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DEBK0923 6/19/2012 3:21PM

    great blog, good for you

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DROPPINGWEIGHT 6/19/2012 2:33PM

    It is nice when we can see the changes that we are making. Good for you!!1 The new Leah is fighting back.... keep up the good work! emoticon

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IRONBLOSSOM 6/19/2012 2:09PM

    emoticon

Don't let other people emotionally hijack you! Exactly! I'm still working on this with my family, but I agree with MOM2IAN, you don't need to internalize the bad.

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JENNCABA 6/19/2012 12:02PM

    Yay for the new Leah !!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WILDFLOWER521 6/19/2012 10:59AM

    Congrats on sticking with the new Leah and for your hard work paying off both mentally and in the form of hot legs.

As for your visiors this weekend, I'm sorry that you had to experience that. I don't know the details and I'm not claiming to know you but I'm glad that if it did have to happen that the experience is now over and can be chalked up to sh*t happens and then we move on.

I will definitely try to have a great week thank you.

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ANCLIFE 6/19/2012 10:51AM

    Good for you! I can so relate to the apology thing. It can smooth over the bumps in a relationship but it can really leave nasty feelings to put the other person ahead of yourself and then not have yourself come in at all.

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ASHLEYBOBASHLY 6/19/2012 10:15AM

    emoticon

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KARIN1972 6/19/2012 9:39AM

    Thank you for sharing this. It shed some light on my life - I too tend to let "drama" around me impact my actions, stress levels, and yes....eating habits! Hearing your story makes me realize that this is something that I need to tune into. Good for you for being in tune with "dramas" potential impact and preventing it from sabatoging your efforts!

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DENNISWIFE 6/19/2012 8:44AM

    emoticon

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