Sunday, June 17, 2012
I have been teaching on the college level for over 20 years. I have a few advanced degrees and I am active in the educational field. I conduct workshops and give lectures. Because my area of knowledge is in theatre, I work with students in groups and one-on-one. My field requires that we criticize (constructively) build up, tear away, work through and scrutinize all areas of a performance. It is how we grow. But, with all that insight and knowledge, I still find that I am one of the most insecure, undisciplined people I know.
I KNOW what I need to do, but actually doing it is the hard part.
It is not uncommon for my students to hear me tell them, quite passionately, that they cannot look at other people and their successes and compare themselves with that person. It is the death knell for a performer. I KNOW this, and yet, I still compare.
This journey is helping me turn the big mirror on myself. I'm looking long and hard at myself and keeping my focus off that gorgeous 40+ woman that is slim and fit. I can be happy for her, but my focusing on her success will only bring discouragement. Instead, I'm going to look at what I know I CAN do, at what I still WANT to do (I'm not saying 'need' because my attitude is changing in that area too) and what I WILL to do!
That doesn't mean that the gorgeous 40+ woman can't inspire me, but I'm not going to compare her journey with mine. They are different for a purpose. This journey is my own and I'm going to relish every minute of it.
Self-discipline is, in my opinion, a by-product of realizing your purpose. My discipline and resolve become strengthened as I begin understanding that my goals go beyond 'looking like her' or 'acting like her'. I want to be myself and my having a clear understanding of my goals and purpose on this journey will be my guide.
It's just like acting in a play. I tell my students all the time that acting is 'so easy it's hard'. But the biggest step an actor can take is learning to have faith in his/her objective. It is the beacon that guides each step.
So here goes another step....