Sunday, June 17, 2012
Yesterday was my Birthday. I kept it very low key. But made major changes in my life in the days leading up to it. I am newly single, living alone, and wanting to learn to love and accept me. I had one binge for my birthday. Can't say it will be the last one. In my mind since it was healthy food, it wasn't that bad of a binge, and I actually stopped when I felt full instead of just eating everything because it was n front of me. i have moments of loneliness, but I am not as heartbroken as I thought I would be being alone. Hate the idea of exercise, but it is the biggest change I have to make in my life. I need to find something that gives me a release for my stress and helps get my body and mind into shape. I actually picked up a catalogue from the local parks and rec department to see what classes they offered. My kid took classes, but i have never looked for myself. Think I might be going overboard, I was all hype last night to join yoga, step aerobics, and water aerobics. Today I am thinking I should probably try one class at a time, instead of going overboard and getting discouraged, then quitting all of them. I have many acquaintances, but no true close friends. The only person I have to confide in and talk to is my son. He has always been here for me, but he is starting on a new life with his future wife, and I feel the need to not be so dependent on him, so I will probably be writing my feelings here more often than naught, just to get them out. I wish God actually spoke - I would love to have conversations with him and be able to here his hopes and dreams for me from his lips. I try to figure out from studying the bible, but at times I feel I am doing it all wrong and disappointing him and myself. Well that is my rant for the day. I am sure I will be back soon.