Saturday, June 16, 2012
Getting ready to watch the movie Woman in Black and it made me think about my choice of black clothing for so many years. Don't get me wrong, I love black clothing. Unfortunately, I wear it more often than not because it hides the body better than any other color. I love bright colors but refuse to wear more than just a shirt with a darker jacket. I want this cycle of black to end. I want to feel comfortable wearing colors, and patterns, and stripes. I want to wear the shirts with frilly, fluffy collars that look lovely on slimmer, trimmer bodies. I see that day approaching, many months down the road, but I DO see it approaching. I find myself looking at clothing and in order to keep inspired I try to find clothes each day that would be on my "wish" list for shopping when my goal is met. Keeps my vision strong. I will use whatever it takes.
Thinking about making a vision wall in my bedroom. So many things I am finally allowing myself to think about that I WILL do, no more "hope to do" some day. Next summer, I WILL visit the local amusement park and feel comfortable doing so. My kids were little the last time I did that! I WILL wear the local sporting teams' jerseys and feel comfortable doing so. I WILL go on a trip and feel comfortable in an airplane seat. I WILL drive to visit my high school friends who live less than a day away but I keep putting off because I just don't feel good about how I look. (Funny thing is, these friends see my picture on facebook but I refuse to put, or let anyone put, full body pics of me online. My friends all know I struggle with my weight but I want to have succeeded at this before seeing them again.)
It has been really hard for me to decide whether or not to tell others that I have now changed my food lifestyle. I know some will support but I have this fear that if I tell people before I have shown my commitment for a decent amount of time, they will doubt me and it will be evident in their words and actions. I am not saying that my friends are anything less than wonderful, and supportive, but I don't want to risk it. Trying to decide if I will wait until I see the local friends and just tell them I have made changes and keep it simple. Or maybe I will do this for one month (only 21 more days), and share my success on facebook. I don't know. I guess I will figure it out as it plays out.
Today was a momentous day because I did deviate a little from my plan. I had a little orzo (less than one cup) with fresh veggies and a few small pieces of chicken mixed in. My daughter made it to take to a pot luck and so I indulged just a little. First meat I have had in 9 days. I really enjoyed it but felt weighed down afterward. Opted for a simple veggie salad this evening and felt so much better. I also had a coffee with flavoring in it today. Funny thing is that this coffee drink is one I have had occasionally for years and today it was TOO SWEET! :0) If I need a caffeine boost, I will stick with the skinny vanilla latte with soy, and know that some artificial sweetener and some caffeine is better than the sugar, extra calories, and sweet, sweet, sweet taste that almost made me sick. As much as I am loving the nutritarian diet, the caffeine piece has been the hardest thing to kick. I will make next week's goal to have no caffeine every other day. I did that some during these 9 days and it has been a slow, headache filled (at times) withdrawal process.
Will be interesting to see what the scale says tomorrow. If today's changes impact my loss, I will know that I really need to follow the straight and narrow path to keep the losses happening. So far down 11 1/2 pounds in 9 days. Many more to go but success is keeping me motivated.