Saturday, June 16, 2012
I look back at some of my older blog entries and it's sad. I wish I didn't struggle with anxiety and depression so much. This past month has been good though. I have joined a wellness initiative through my health insurance plan. I am tracking my weight, blood pressure, cholesterol, and fasting glucose. I didn't know if I could commit to weight loss again and I'm not even sure what gave me a little push this time, maybe it was the warmer weather. I have been active and tracking calories for 1 month now. I would not have even know it was a month except I received a spark trophy the other day, and thought "wow already!" Because I have been very active the past month and meeting my weekly weight loss goals I have had much less of a struggle with anxiety and depression. I have also become addicted to Jillian Michaels pod cast. I love having her words of encouragement in my mind if I'm not feeling up to exercise for a day. I don't know if I'll succeed this time, but she helps me believe its possible, that the only thing standing in the way is myself. If I put in the hard work and don't give up I will succeed. She has also taught me about imagining and visualizing. I have trouble imagining myself thin because I've never been in good shape, but I can imagine all the things I want from being thin, extra energy, skinny jeans, cute swim suits. As shallow as it may sound even that is motivational. I'm not going to apologize for being a little vain anymore. In the past I haven't felt entitled to a healthier happier life, but I think we all are. We are all entitled, not to have it handed to us, but to put in the work and get what we want out of life. I don't think I should feel bad for wanting to be prettier and thinner. As usual I'm rambling, but I just thought I'd put my recent thoughts out there. right now I'm looking forward to the challenge of the next few months. I know it won't always be easy and I know I won't always make my daily calorie deficit of 1000 calories, but as long as I keep trying I know I haven't really failed.