SparkPeople advertisers help keep the site free! Learn more
    MARCYNA   13,299
SparkPoints 		10,000-14,999 SparkPoints
 
 
Stop Being Addicted

Friday, June 15, 2012

While mum's getting better, and I'm so thankful for all your thoughts & prayers, I happened to meet an ex-student of mine who also happened to be my friend.
Our friendship's lost forever and I wanted to know why he's angry with me.
He has failed his final university exam and said he stopped talking to me as he felt he has failed because a member of the exam commission was my enemy, and, according to him, he had failed because of this enmity.
I still wonder whether his interpretation is true as he performed poorly at the exam, anyway I called him because I wanted to reconcile.
He said he'd had enough of me as I was hysterical and did not care for him- actually, I told him I had tried all my best to help him in all circumstances and that I cared a lot for him.
I felt deeply wounded for his attitude, so I told him goodbye and went away.
Then I canceled all his detail from my cell., emails, and so on.
As I talked to my friend about this, I was struck by the fact that perhaps I was wrong, and should not feel bad over it.
People have the right to be angry with me as they have their own freedom of choice
I feel bad just as long I am depending on them, addicted to them.
If I let them go, I won't feel bad anymore.
I should try to stop being addicted to people,.....I don't want to be sorry for them, if they want to hate me, just let them-I want to be free from my addiction to people just as I want to free myself from my addiction to food- am I wrong?
Is there any similar experience you've had???????????

SHARE
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 6/15/2012 3:07PM

    It sounds like your friend/student is blaming you and the committee for his failure - instead of blaming himself, instead of realizing he wasn't prepared, instead of doing anything about the situation. He has shifted all of the blame to you, so that he doesn't have to do anything but be angry with you.

And yes, sometimes you need to let go and move on.

It isn't easy, it isn't fun, but you can't change anyone else. You can only change yourself.

Report Inappropriate Comment
WONDERFUL2BME 6/15/2012 11:58AM

    We want to be around people we feel secure around and they make us better for just being with them. All others are toxic.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HKARLSSON 6/15/2012 11:10AM

    Hey, glad to hear your mom is coming along. That's great! I'm sure that is a load off your mind.

Regarding your friend... Hmmm. Sounds like this young person could use a swat on the backside with a rolled up newspaper. If he really felt he failed due to some faculty political machinations, he would have filed a complaint with the dean or whoever is head of the university, filed evidence and fought the decision. Normally when I hear "I failed because so-and-so has it in for me" it really means that the person is not willing to take responsibility for his or her own life. That drives me absolutely NUTS, because it's childish, and if you're old enough to drink and vote and live on your own, you're old enough to take responsibility for your screw-ups. I'm not saying that faculty don't fail people because they don't like their teacher; I'm saying the people who make this statement usually have "other" problems. And if anyone ever calls you "hysterical" again, you should walk away at once. "Hysterical" is code for "you've nearly figured me out and I'm going to insult you to distract you from finishing the job."

I think it's a very astute observation about an addiction to people. I have plenty of personal experience in this department, and it would take too much space to write it all down. A lot of us are addicted to getting approval and afraid of rejection. The problem is that with that attitude, we attract people who prey upon us and use us like tools. The minute you figure out "hey, wait a minute, this is total nonsense!" and start being more independent, these people will try to bring you down by threatening to walk out on you. They're just trying to manipulate you. It's up to you to stop worrying about other people's approval and just walk away. A great Dr. Seuss quote: "those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter." It's rock solid truth! That's not to say it doesn't hurt, that's not to say it doesn't sting, that's not to say it doesn't bring you grief. But the grief and pain you feel in letting them go is short term. If you keep hanging on, it's long term. So, yes, you are absolutely right: he can feel bad all he wants. It's not your problem. Keep up the good work.



Report Inappropriate Comment
SASIKHASI1 6/15/2012 11:10AM

    He sounds very immature, and you are better off without him in your life. The way you choose the people that you surround yourself with is the same way you make your food choices. You can make the choice healthy, or you can make a poor choice. Ask yourself the questions, do I need this, is it good for me. will it enrich my life, my health, my energy levels? Then go from there.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOHNTJ1 6/15/2012 10:46AM

    The hardest thing to figure out is why people think the way they do. The human mind has the amazing capacity to create an answer for any situation it is having difficulty with. Your former friend needed someone to blame and this time it happened to be you.

Do not grieve this relationship. People either hold us back or push us forward and in this case this persons inability to accept the realities of their life is something that holds you back. While God created us all equally some of us devote our lives to being better and better each day. Those are the people you want to be with, the people who push you forward. Look at all you have accomplished in your life and realize the small missteps we all make are opportunities for us to learn about ourselves and how we react to things.

In the end it's about you loving you. We all have to start over each day.

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.