I am always hesitant to call myself "thin." I am actually overweight according to the BMI charts, that's why I'm trying so hard to get down to that magical 144. Plus if I keep trying to lose those 5 pounds, maybe at the very least, I won't GAIN weight!! Of course I often wonder how much all the excess skin on my upper legs, stomach and upper arms must weigh. Maybe 10 lbs?
The Top 10 BEST THINGS about being thin:
10. I love mirrors and photographs. I even try to catch my reflections when I pass by glass doors and windows! How vain am I??? I have very few pictures of myself from the years when I was morbidly obese. I guess I thought if I didn't have evidence of how I looked, it wasn't real!
9. I just sat in a narrow kitchen chair to type this blog.
(Please ignore the varicose veins and excess skin on the back of my legs--they're not pretty but by God, I think I have earned the right to finally wear shorts in public!)
OMG, it's so nice to have spare room on either side of the chair. My fat thighs used to bulge out the sides of any chair I sat in. I don't hesitate to plop down in lawn chairs and those cheap plastic chairs that I used to avoid like the plague! Items made for normal sized people (those one-size fits all things) fit me now! Towels, chairs, seatbelts, bracelets, necklaces, blood pressure cuffs, hospital gowns, socks, hosiery. Oh I know they size hosiery, but when you're on the extreme edge of the biggest size they make and they're still too small--it sucks.
8. No fear of being ridiculed when I'm in public. I used to worry as I walked along the busy street by my work, that people would yell mean things at me as they drove by. It happened more than once! Today I walked into the pool store with a sample of water from our above-ground pool to be tested. I have been going in there for years and always felt a little embarrassed, I was just sure the employees were imagining my big fat body in a big fat swimming suit in my pool at home. Of course they weren't, but for some reason it was humiliating to walk into the pool store. Today I felt like I had every right to be there!
7. I have so much energy. I actually look forward to doing the laundry, and as I told hubby, while I'm at home all day recuperating from surgery, making dinner is the highlight of my day--I love it. I have always enjoyed cooking, and now I do it standing up, instead of sitting in my roller chair and rolling everywhere. Plus, cooking means I get to eat...which I still love! I am especially enjoying having the energy to be an active participant in my grandchildren's lives. LOVE those kids and being able to go places and do things with them was a huge motivator to lose weight. We are going back to the amusement park in Kansas City in August. Can't wait!
6. I have found I like so many foods that I used to avoid. Vegetables and fruits are my best friends. I love onions, caramelized or grilled or even raw. Broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, radishes, celery, carrots, SALADS are so tasty! And fruit is my snack of choice. Grapes, oranges and bananas are my three favorites, but I eat all fruits! We even have strawberry shortcake quite regularly. I have a small piece of homemade shortcake, then top it with strawberries sweetened with Splenda and some skim milk and non-fat whipped topping. Delicious, and the whole dessert comes in at about 200 calories--most of that is from that little piece of wonderful shortcake! I always loved strawberry shortcake, but this lightened up version tastes just as good to me. I attribute my new openness to all kinds of food to my hunger. I was never hungry before, I stuffed myself constantly. Now that I'm hungry almost all the time, everything tastes good to me!
5. Shopping! Not only can I walk for hours, I love buying pretty new clothes, all of which fit, and to my eye, look good on me. After looking like a fat blob in everything for so many years, it's such a joy to wear form fitting clothes that hug a figure I had lost long ago! I am a regular at all the malls in town, places I had quit visiting years ago, when nothing at any of the stores fit me anymore. And about twice a month I have my nails done out at the mall. I always hated my hands, I had fat pudgy fingers and my wrists were enormous. Now I LOVE my hands--my long manicured (fake) fingernails look beautiful to me! I even discovered that bone in my wrist that had long ago disappeared and the protruding veins in my hands are a sign of honor to me because those were non-existent before, hidden underneath all the fat.
4. My confidence is back! I'm still very introverted and shy, but no longer do I feel like I need to hide (as if that was possible at 328 lbs.!). Now I am proud of myself, and although I no longer feel the need to share with everyone I meet that I have lost a LOT of weight, I always carry that knowledge inside of myself and it adds to my self esteem. I always felt like I was destined to do something special, but as life passed by me and the years progressed and I remained morbidly obese, I wasn't special at all. I was just one of millions of overweight, unhappy people, unwilling to make the right choices and change my lifestyle. NOW...not only do I feel like I am going to be one of those rare individuals who not only loses a lot of weight but is going to KEEP IT OFF, I feel like I should write about it in a memoir. If I can help inspire others, it will keep me motivated! And that makes me feel very special indeed!
3. Writing. I always loved to write. I was editor of my school paper in high school and started college as a journalism major. Now, having discovered Spark, I have found an outlet for my need to write. I could have blogged anywhere, but Spark is a great place for me to be. Here, I can write about all my anxieties, hopes, desires, failures, and successes without fear of being judged. I feel sort of anonymous too, and that allows me to be very open and honest. If I inspire anyone that's great, but believe me, this blogging has done more to keep me motivated than anything else. I LOVE not only writing my own blogs but reading people's comments, then clicking on their pages, and reading their stories and blogs. I am grateful to everyone who has ever commented on my blog--you motivate and inspire me more than you know!
2. My health. My only goal when I first started this journey was just to get healthier. I was a mess--high blood pressure, pre-diabetic, bad joints, all the bad things that happen to you when you are morbidly obese and getting older. I dealt with these problems for so many years, but when my mobility was threatened I knew I HAD to do something. Now I take one diarrhetic pill for my blood pressure, down from 5 medications I used to take that only got my BP down to 140/90. My BP consistently reads 125/70 now, and I will probably go off the last little pill I take at my next check-up. My blood sugar is normal and although my joints aren't great, they're not nearly so bothersome as they were 180 lbs. ago! I walk for miles on those poor sore knees and hips, and they don't hurt nearly so bad as they did when I first started walking at 280 lbs.
And the Number 1 BEST thing about being thin is:
1. FREEDOM!!! I felt so trapped before--trapped in a body that couldn't move without pain and exhaustion, trapped in a lifestyle I felt helpless to crawl out of. Now, I can't tell you the incredible sense of freedom I experience every single day. I can do anything, go anywhere and be anything I want. Nothing is holding me back anymore. It's absolutely exhilarating and joyous! Losing weight once and for all is the BEST THING I ever did for myself!